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My friend

CopticdeaconCopticdeacon
edited December 1969 in Personal Issues
hey everyone
So I have this friend who is hurt because she says she loves this guy and they had a very close relationship and that he doesn't talk to her now and doesn't care like before this girl is 17 like me. I told her you know your to young and that you should focus on God only. She said that the 2 of them would spend time talking about the Bible and she would go to his fellowship and he would go to hers. Note: this guy is not Coptic or Egyptian. But from what she says he seems like a well rounded person. I proceeded to tell her even if the relationship is soaked with God in it...it's still not the right time. Please help me to help her...

Comments

  • elizaveet
    god just wants to see if she is attached to him because if this guy or not- i also had a friend who was attached to an american guy-he parents knew and were okay with it, they always talked about the bible-god etc and she was always thanking god for him and everything he has done for her. but then he left her..she was heartbroken at first then realized she didnt really have that great of a spritual level- god was just testing her ;)
  • CopticdeaconCopticdeacon
    ok but you don't think she is too young i mean 17 years old is still young...psychologically our brains aren't even thinking with the frontal lobe but the hypothalamus which is just us acting on our urges automatically
  • elizaveet
    no, im 15 yet i know that its wayyyy to early to even think about boys
  • mabsootamabsoota
    umm, seems to me the main issue is that he doesn't talk to her. that's not usually a good sign for a relationship...
    if he was talking to her, and they were thinking of marriage, they should discuss it with their spiritual advisers, obv. the guy needs to join an orthodox church, and by the time they did all that and got engaged, she would be 18, which is not necessarily too young, just that very few people in developed countries are mature enough at that age.
    in a lot of countries it would be standard, but i think it depends on the couple.
  • mnc_hnnmnc_hnn
    [quote author=I Believe link=topic=8569.msg108320#msg108320 date=1260588696]
    hey everyone
    So I have this friend who is hurt because she says she loves this guy and they had a very close relationship and that he doesn't talk to her now and doesn't care like before this girl is 17 like me. I told her you know your to young and that you should focus on God only. She said that the 2 of them would spend time talking about the Bible and she would go to his fellowship and he would go to hers. Note: this guy is not Coptic or Egyptian. But from what she says he seems like a well rounded person. I proceeded to tell her even if the relationship is soaked with God in it...it's still not the right time. Please help me to help her...


    who knows, could be the right time.
    what if it is the only time?
    what if there is more to the story than what you know?
    may be the guy realised she is not his kinda girl?
    may be the guy figured that this girl is in for a serious relationship..not the thing he is looking for?

  • CopticdeaconCopticdeacon
    She's 17.....that physiologically young
  • socoolbishoysocoolbishoy
    I believe, (the person lol)

    for the sake of the post, I'll call you mo'men, so we get don't confused!

    I told her you know your to young and that you should focus on God only.

    mo'men, you have an addiction to the internet... in specific "tasbeha.org".  I come and tell you, "hey tasbeha.org is bad for you!" what are you going to do?!
    your impulse will just say "NO! its good, I benefit... blah blah blah"

    okay lets take it in a another example, I come and tell you mo'men... "did you know that any word spoken idly or any minute spent with no progress to bettering your relationship with God, you will be judged about..." of course, you'd be like "na'aha, where does it say that"... I get you the verse in the bible... and show you some father's sayings...  now you're accepting it... so then I tell you, that spending more than an hour on tasbeha, you're not getting close to God, you're putting off your spiritual cannons... on and on and on... now are you going to fight back?! no if anything you'd say maybe one statement... but I took you step by step to convince you throughout the way, that you are convinced in the end!


    why did I say all this?! the problem we have is we approach wrong... and we keep pushing thinking we can fix it... but the best way is sit down, and see how if you were dating would you like to be approached!

    news flash, 17 years you are mentally ready for a relationship and beyond physiologically ready... you are realistically not ready!

    realistically not ready because... are you ready to open a house in a couple of years?! if the guy loves her and she loves him... they should end the relationship (much easier said than done... believe me I KNOW). maybe stay away from each other for a year or so... then come back and if they can hold a friendship... then there is a level of success...

    and not only that but because they are together, they are confined to each other... so he doesn't really know how she is if she were by herself in the world... and she him...

    lets say a year or two later they come back as friends, and they see that they haven't done wrong while away from each other... then this person must be strong! they can cope with temptations as a teenager... then they can cope with much more during marriage!

    also because the two are together... then they are "shaping each other" they are not growing in their own personalities! many would think this is good... but NOPE it is not... because this would cause a breakdown in which her personality will break through, and could cause many personality disorders!

    another thing which I have seen in high school sweethearts getting married after a prolonged relationship... one of the many bad things...  many of them start thinking how they might have met a person cuter or better... and they start blaming their partner... which usually causes divorce... and I have dealt with a lot of cases like that!


    She said that the 2 of them would spend time talking about the Bible and she would go to his fellowship and he would go to hers.

    lol as my friend calls it... romanticizing God (making Him an object to spend time with the other person)

    something we like to do as christian boys and girls... we like to "sanctify" our wrong doing so that we don't have to put up with the guilty conscience, so what the devil is doing, is he's advocating the wrong relationship (whether its the right people wrong time, right time wrong people, or just wrong people wrong time), telling you both to pray together, so that you can see that,  and see some positive coming out of the "relationship" hence it must be the right thing!

    very wrong to do, when you are married read the bible together... you have a lifetime to read it together now its not the right time, now even if you are engaged, worry about your own salvation, don't invite anyone on your wagon until you are united by God!!!

    when in the right age you can start going to church together youth meetings together... but your canon is your canon... not yours and his/hers!

    which brings us to a new point... which show that this relationship is not right... her going to other church's fellowship (sounds protestant) she is already slowly accepting the fact that her religion is not too important... again that is due to her personality not fully formed... also these are the symptoms of cheating... especially because she is Egyptian... and religion becomes a huge part of our lives from our childhood... if she is easily accepting upon herself to go to other churches... then one of the most important things that was taught to her in her life, she's easily giving up...  so what would she do if she was married?!

    But from what she says he seems like a well rounded person. I proceeded to tell her even if the relationship is soaked with God in it...it's still not the right time. Please help me to help her...

    so far I cannot make judgment on the relationship, just analyzing and speaking from the information you provided...  hence why I'm speaking in general, because I don't know much about both parties... if you want to mention more detail, I will be able to talk about it in specific, if its private or you don't want to publicly talk about it, pm me...

    I have dealt a lot with relationships from being in them, to helping people, to studying them... I can easily say I have dealt with hundreds of relationships (without exaggeration) and here is the best thing or method which I am practicing, among many others... (so it realistic and can be done)

    it starts off with, a person should date... but they have to date a person that really loves them for who they are... which is God... so now that I'm dating God, I have to do the same things I would do with my "significant other"

    1. I call that person left and right... I text that person till my fingers can bench more than my arms... so do the same with God... pray to Him left and right.... I ended my phone conversation with "I love you babe" and I express my emotions to that person...

    then through my prayer, I have to talk to God, express to Him my feelings, tell Him how much I love Him, and how much I want to spend the rest of my life with Him!

    but we fight with our partners... and we call them and throw a storm... if you're upset with God you have get up and tell Him how you feel...

    so number one is comunication

    2. as I have mentioned in a recent post... you confess to your loved person your mistakes... if something bothers your loved one and you do it, you try so hard to make it up... and you apologize till there is no tomorrow... so you do the same thing with God... through repentance... and confession... and matanyas... you show Him that Him being upset with you is no option... and you make up with Him before the night passes!

    so number two is repentance

    3.  if your date takes you to a dinner, you tell him thank you... if he helps you out you tell him thank you... so do the same with God... THANK HIM AT ALL TIMES... what this is doing is you are acknowledging the help of God throughout the day... keeping Him on your mind... and showing appreciation

    so three is thank God


    sorry for the lengthy post... I tried to answer to the best of my ability... most of it was just analysis of the situation from your information... hopefully I helped... and feel free to ask!

    akhadna el baraka... neshkor Allah!
  • CopticdeaconCopticdeacon
    We aren't physiologically ready though...teenagers do NOT think with the Frontal Lobe they thing with the Hypothalamus which functions as the main control center for the autonomic nervous system by regulating sleep cycles, body temperature, appetite, sexual desire etc., and that acts as an endocrine gland by producing hormones, including the releasing factors that control the hormonal secretions of the pituitary gland. So we are thinking with our hormones we don't think with the frontal lobe till early to mid 20s...Also if you read the booklet called Youth and Pure Living by H.G. Bishop Moussa Bishop of Youth Sayedna says scientifically young people are in a stage called general altro-sexuality which means we are aware of the other sex and perceive a special trait in one person or another. They like one person for a reason then move to feelings for ANOTHER person for a DIFFERENT reason. Emotions and the senses are often involved in this type of attraction. That's why young people are mistaken when they think that this attraction means they are ready to choose a life partner. We have to wait till we are in the stage called De-generalized altro-sexuality which happens around the time one finds a career job
  • socoolbishoysocoolbishoy
    the frontal lobe is growing at the time, so you are not "fully" using it... but you are using it because the connections to and from are completed by 16-17 years old...  hence why most of the time in court you are tried as an adult starting from these ages because you should be able to know your consequences... and should know what is wrong and right logically... also characteristics of the frontal lobe...
  • CopticdeaconCopticdeacon
    True but I still don't think she's mature enough just from the other things she does. She says she has a good relationship with God but at the same time she admits to being a jealous person along with other things! Now I am not the one to judge but how can you even say you have a good relationship when clearly you DO NOT! Then think you're ready for a relationship???
  • socoolbishoysocoolbishoy
    I never agreed to a relationship, especially at this age... with all honesty not even when one is in their twenties... unless they have reached a position in life to be able to suffice the needs of the wife, and married couples should not consider children until they have reached a position that they can take care of the children... if you do one or the other prematurely, you are setting yourself for failure, whether it be relationship, marriage, parents, etc...

    remember... our number one concern is God... through God we will be successful in our school... us being successful in school, we will find a compatible mate who is in our level of education...

    so our focus should be...
    1. God...
    2. school/work
    3. partner... 

    each one will lead to the other...

    neshkor Allah... akhadna el baraka
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