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hello
hi i have a very bad issue affecting me and the issue is iwith my ex girlfriend.now she truley did love me she is the one who helped me get started in converting.she put herself in danger by doing that if anyone was to find out.now my mom had cancer and i took all my anger out on my girlfreind at the time and also my family was always fighting my dad would hit my mom.sso i cursed out my girlfriend i threatened her even threeatned to kill her.what we had was true love till i messed it up 3 times.she was always there for me.she took so many risks. and recently she told me she does not love me.i dont blame her i feel so bad for what i did i want her back i know she is the one for me there is not 1 doubt in my mind she wont speak to me she has blocked me on aim and she changed her number.what can i do to solve this thank you brothers and sisters in christ
Comments
My advice to you would be to move on. The damage you have done, presently, seems to be irreparable. Your best option is to just distance yourself from her. She has been really hurt and you trying to pursue her won't help matters. If she truly is meant to be with you, then with time, you both will find your way back to each other. Don't try to force the situation. Pray about it and leave it in God's hands. He knows what is best, and you have to just trust Him.
pray 4 me
Kirolos
You really have to assess whether you can really guarantee that you will not abuse her as you did before. She does not deserve that treatment, and shouldn't put up with it.
I am not judging you though; I am sure you are repenting now (and we all have mistreated people). Just thank her, apologise (and be specific for why you apoligising; it is not the threats but that you assaulted her self-esteem and worth) and give her space. Threatening someone, and cursing them until they just don't know why they loved you in the first place impacts how they can trust and feel secure with them.
She needs to feel that she can trust people (because she became close to you, and you denied her that) and feel secure with JUST OTHER people. So you need to give her space.
I hope it all works out for the best. The most important things in life takes time- so be patient and persevere. And in that time work on yourself. I can not begin to know what you went through while your mother had cancer. And I understand that you were angry- you had ever right to be. But the people around you deserve more from you. They love you. You need to ensure that you can control your temper. I recommend H.H. book on "Calmness". No one, ever, should be in an abusive relationship. And you will be angry again one day.
May we all learn to restrain ourselves in tribulations. To show love to those hurt, and share their sorrow as God came amongst humans, also, to share the pains of the poorest of the poor. And let us rejoice at the fellowship we have when others attend to our misery.
PP4M
Christ did pray for the salvation of the world but He was crucified for ever single soul He created. He did pray for the Samaritan woman, but chose to walk longer to meet her at the well. Likewise, the apostles travelled around the world to preach the Gospel of God, while praying continuously.
I do believe that you can do something about it. Surrending to God's will does not conflict with taking an action and trying your best to find a solution. You need to fully use your brain, heart and will to get to know God's will. He created these three in you to use them! Try to meet her in person or get in touch with someone she knows well to explain things. As much as persistance is sometimes faced with resilience, it can also be faced with amazement and a moment of pause to look at things differently. She might be angry now, but seeing how you are trying your best to explain yourself to her and make an effort to change things, she can, with the grace and will of God, realize how much you love her and get back to you. Do whatever you can and make sure to be ready to face any reactions, whether positive or negative. Only then will you not blame yourself too harshly and be able to calm down and move on. You have to believe that God will support you all the way, and stay by your side while trying and praying. You need to be supported by people's advices and guidance (Father of confession, spiritual guide, a trustworthy friend, parents and family) and test what you feel and hear in your prayers to be sure of where you're going and what you should do.
You repented from all your heart, so there is nothing wrong in asking God to show you what to do next.
Be completely reassured and do not think too much about the problem But leave it to the One of has all things in His hands.
(I have tried to translate it from arabic, so apologies if I didn't get it exactly right)
pray a lot
and hang in there man+
What I meant to say is that action can be taken while praying. I cannot pray for God to heal a wound and not take action if it's in my possibility to do so. I cannot ask God to give to the poor while I do not help them in any way, as long as I am capable. Likewise, our gentleman should pray earnestly AND try to correct his mistake if possible.
What has happened during the relationship was quite disturbing to say the least, but thank God for God's mercies to forgive a repentant heart! Action would not interfere with prayers since he is now sincere to correct his fault and God is able to correct mistakes. Actions test one's feelings during prayers. There is nothing wrong in trying again...different people have diffferent reactions to different situations. You proposed one aspect and I see it from a different perspective...that's it, that's all :) So when I sin, there is no hope?
Just because you live in the consequences of your sin superficially, don't think there is no hope. For when you sin, repentance can bring you Salvation and more zeal to the Lord. A broken heart He will not despise. Consequences build character, and are for our benefit, if we confront them now with faith- for we sinned by faithlessness, and now we have an opportunity to redirect and unite with God. We should not think that because we are under the wings of the Lord that we will not face hardships?! Did not Israel have to fight the evil nations in the wilderness?
Did not when King David repented, still have his son of adultery taken away from him? But alas, he praised the Lord even more with a broken heart.
As often occurs Thomas, you and I are on the same wavelength. :)
WOW!! Thanks!!
But again...how does this conflict with taking action?
Listen, I'm a very simple christian afterall. All I know is that our God is a God of second chances and walking the second mile. As much as we have to bare the consequences of our mistakes, repair can still be made sometimes, and I repeat, sometimes.
In the case we are discussing now, I know of several couples who broke up and got back together, and each one had their own big reasons to breakup but they were able to make it happen again.
That is why, I am strongly encouraging our friend here to try and take action. If the girl can forgive him and move on when she sees how much he has changed, then perfect! If not, God will still be smiling and guiding him down the road of life. No?
I just hate the negative tone of: it's too late, nothing can be done, I'll have to live with it, ....
My humble opinion.
1) Trust to help her with her own problems
2) Will the guy be able to control hardships in the future
3) Her esteem
4) Fear of her safety
5) Love
There is probably more that I am just too tired to try to brew, but there is many issues that I think rightly hinders the relationship. To bigee: do you honestly think that you have your temper under control, and know that you will not treat her like this again. Because you will, I promise, fall into difficult situations again and no one deserves to be mistreated like that by the one they trust, that they shouldn't fear and that they love and are looking out for *your* interests. I think that is the million dollar question.
And you made the first step, acknowledging and regretting your past behaviour. May we all see how some of our behaviours hurt the ones that God loves, and may we change.
I just hate the negative tone of: it's too late, nothing can be done, I'll have to live with it, ....
My humble opinion.
We weren't saying "nothing can be done"; we said that he needs to make changes in his own personality and behaviour. I don't think you appreciate completely the gravity of the situation- the girl was threatened by someone she is suppose to trust, to feel safe with, and loves! That type of abusive relationship is not worth it. I am not condemning bigee- I am just imploring that he doesn't pursue a relationship without being able to be satisfied of himself that such an abusive relationship will not persist. I know bigee was under stress, and I know I sound harsh, but I think that he knows that what he done to her was 'harsher' than my comments. And that is why, I believe, he came here open up for suggestions.
If you are obese, and trying to lose weight, do you go to McDonalds? No- you wait until your weight and lifestyle is under control, and then you can go to McDonalds with your new discipline/ controlled lifestyle. This analogy is a bit unbecoming, but I hope you see that I am saying prioritise! It is careless to pursue a failed relationship when you haven't fixed the problem that destroyed it in the first place!
I have only asked bigee to take a step when he is fully sure he can guarantee a good life for this girl = he has changed and repented.
I do feel the girl so much because I have been put through this before and there is no way I would think of getting back to my ex if I do not see positive improvements. But I always have hope that God is able. He's able to change hearts and minds and behaviours and situations. I strongly believe in love as well because I feel God's love so much. So it is no big thing that we find Love in the world, since God is in the world and in each and every single person who believe in Him. And if bigee and this girl truly loved each other, they will be able to overcome any obstacles, as long as they are willing to give it another try, if possible.
Let's pray :)
[quote author=Doubting Thomas link=topic=5860.msg78938#msg78938 date=1193800816]
It is careless to pursue a failed relationship when you haven't fixed the problem that destroyed it in the first place!
AMEN!