Encourage to be a deacon

Mira99

Hello, 

I have recently been engaged!! My fiancé is so wonderful but I wish he would be a deacon. He had a bad experience as a deacon when he was a child and since then he has stopped serving. What can I do to encourage him to go back to this service? 

I know it's not a big deal, but I want my future children to see their father as a deacon in the church to encourage them too!

Thanks :)

markmarcos

tell him the church teaches that since he obtained the rank of a deacon he is not allowed to leave it! just like marriage. and say that whatever bad experience he had wont happen again since he is now a man and not a child! if something bothers him again he should tell abouna :) hope it helped

ophadece

@Mira99
Why do you consider it as not a big deal? It actually is. Until you feel this deep down you won't need advice from anybody..
Oujai

Mira99

Thanks @markmarcos !

Just to clarify, ophadece, I do think it is a big deal but I think it's more important for the children than for my fiancé. I just think that as adults spirituality is from within and you can have many people who are not outwardly serving but have pure hearts in front of God. With children, however, they need to learn the basics and have good guidance and role modelling.

ophadece

@Mira99
I like your reasoning, and I agree. But only as an addition it is proven psychologically that adults conform to operant conditioning too, and in some cases faster than children, and actually with moreaconviction, which will of course help your noble cause in the future. I work in the field of psychiatry and that's why I poked you to rephraseyyour argument as this is going to help both of you in the present and in the future. Hope that makes sense. If not please tell me and I'll reply from a computer.
Oujai

Mira99

@ophadece

Thank you for getting me to clarify!

My question for you is how do we use operant conditioning to our benefit? How can I show him that the pros outweigh the possible cons of serving as a deacon?

Thanks

mabsoota

be a perfect subdeacon's wife.

take great care of him, listen to all things he is interested in (even if they are boring for you) and spend your time wisely, taking care of your spiritual life.

ophadece

@Mira99,
Exactly as mabsoota says. If you can condition your fiance on believing you have faith in him, he'll definitely listen to you when you ask anything. Operant conditioning: maybe go to liturgies with him and every time he serves as a deacon agree that you'll do something nice afterwards. You could for example list places to go to or visit every week, depending on arriving at the liturgy early enough for him to serve as a deacon. That way you exercise something together not that he feels he's the centre of the whole process. I cannot talk about cons of being a deacon as this is something that could differ according to each person's experiences but if you'd like to share them, I'm all ears. You could private message me if it's a bit personal, but I guess we all learn from each other here..
Oujai