hi everyone
i have fallen in love with a certain girl and im extremely happy with her on everything.. i feel like she's getting me closer to God and i want to be with her my whole life.
my mom however disagrees and everytime i bring her name up my mom bursts out in anger to the point that she made me stop the car while driving and got out of it in the middle of the street. she made me promise i would not speak to her again and i promised but i just cant do it.
my mom knows her mom and her mom bcz she thinks that her mom isn't from a respectable family while her dad is. she thinks her mom is not a good person in the way she treats her husband because she wasn't rasied well enough and she thinks her daughter will be exactly like that.
i can't take lying to my mom. i just want her to be happy for me that i have found a person i'd like to live my life with :( she has gone so far as to say that if i would think i'd marry her she would poison herself (nt serious though) and she has said she wouldn't let neither me or her into her house
i'd like any abouna's reply on this issue bcz i feel that God only knows what's right to do
thanks for your time!
Comments
Have you finished your school? Do you have a job?
Do you have the means to start a family?
1. There is a time for everything.
2. Your mom has your best interest in mind.
Sit with yourself seriously and determine whether this relationship is founded on love or lust. Consult with your FoC.
May God guide you to the correct decision.
;)
someone close to me had the same problem with his intended fiancee's mum. she would totally freak out at the idea of marriage and they had to just be friends for 2 years and leave off any talk of marriage.
they were able to see each other though, and to talk, and by the time she (grudgingly) gave her permission for marriage, they had become really good friends and knew each other well.
they are happily married more than 10 years later :)
so i would suggest you drop the subject, wind back your friendship to that of 'friend' and wait a year or 2. of course, tell the young lady you like her and explain the situation, but try to keep it cool between you, eg. meeting up only at church until you think it's the right time to mention the subject to your mum again.
also: do you have a dad? can he help? do you have an understanding priest you can talk to?
i think if you wait, God will bless your patience and your suffering (you are honouring your mum, which is commanded in the Bible) and He will give you the wisdom to deal with the situation.
i don't think you are too young, i got married at your age, having got engaged while out of the country (i got permission over the telephone but my family was not the most impressed!) God had mercy, and i am still married and happy :)
Listen to your mother--always. If this chick is right for you, God will open the opportunity. Otherwise, you are better off.
But seriously, listen to your mother. You don't have to necessarily agree with her, but you should listen to her and carefully and prayerfully consider her opinions and advice.
my mom knows her mom and her mom bcz she thinks that her mom isn't from a respectable family while her dad is. she thinks her mom is not a good person in the way she treats her husband because she wasn't rasied well enough and she thinks her daughter will be exactly like that.
1. I don't think it's okay to say that about someone's mum, no matter how bad her mum might be.
Seriously it's not good to pass judgements.
God taught me a major lesson about passing judgement on people. To never judge a person on whatever action or anything because everyone is going through an internal struggle, because it hasn't been a 'fullness of time' yet (Judgement day), and we are not God to judge.
How does anyone know that this girl is going to treat her husband like that?
2. You said she's getting you closer to God, which is good. God puts heaps of people in our life to get closer to Him, because He is our goal in life, (it doesn't specifically have to be a 'future wife').
Speak to God concerning this, submit this whole situation to Him, ask Him to let it be according to His will. Because if it's not from God, then we shouldn't want anything to do with it. God does what's best. Be patient so God can show you, and speak to your confession father.
[quote author=qedeseenboy link=topic=11371.msg137156#msg137156 date=1304380504]
my mom knows her mom and her mom bcz she thinks that her mom isn't from a respectable family while her dad is. she thinks her mom is not a good person in the way she treats her husband because she wasn't rasied well enough and she thinks her daughter will be exactly like that.
1. I don't think it's okay to say that about someone's mum, no matter how bad her mum might be.
Seriously it's not good to pass judgements.
God taught me a major lesson about passing judgement on people. To never judge a person on whatever action or anything because everyone is going through an internal struggle, because it hasn't been a 'fullness of time' yet (Judgement day), and we are not God to judge.
How does anyone know that this girl is going to treat her husband like that?
2. You said she's getting you closer to God, which is good. God puts heaps of people in our life to get closer to Him, because He is our goal in life, (it doesn't specifically have to be a 'future wife').
Speak to God concerning this, submit this whole situation to Him, ask Him to let it be according to His will. Because if it's not from God, then we shouldn't want anything to do with it. God does what's best. Be patient so God can show you, and speak to your confession father.
I'm almost sure she isn't like her mother.. i know my mother isn't right about talking about her mother but the fact of the matter is that her mom really has a couple of weird moments.. I'm a hundred percent sure this girl isn't like her mother, and when i try telling my mom that she says that im blinded by love and that eventually IF we get married her 'dark' side will show :S
I've prayed to God to do what's best for me because only He knows what the feature holds.. I've asked him to break this up if it's wrong and if it's right to guide my mom into genuinely changing her opinion (which would need almost a miracle)
[quote author=mabsoota link=topic=11371.msg137174#msg137174 date=1304408023]
wow, sounds like your mum's egyptian!
;)
someone close to me had the same problem with his intended fiancee's mum. she would totally freak out at the idea of marriage and they had to just be friends for 2 years and leave off any talk of marriage.
they were able to see each other though, and to talk, and by the time she (grudgingly) gave her permission for marriage, they had become really good friends and knew each other well.
they are happily married more than 10 years later :)
so i would suggest you drop the subject, wind back your friendship to that of 'friend' and wait a year or 2. of course, tell the young lady you like her and explain the situation, but try to keep it cool between you, eg. meeting up only at church until you think it's the right time to mention the subject to your mum again.
also: do you have a dad? can he help? do you have an understanding priest you can talk to?
i think if you wait, God will bless your patience and your suffering (you are honouring your mum, which is commanded in the Bible) and He will give you the wisdom to deal with the situation.
i don't think you are too young, i got married at your age, having got engaged while out of the country (i got permission over the telephone but my family was not the most impressed!) God had mercy, and i am still married and happy :)
the thing is my mom's really traditional, doing something like you have done (getting permission by phone) is impossible in my family. my mom also thinks that there is no such thing as love and if I like a girl I should first look at her social status and then her morals and if she's religeous or not .. the least important thing she thinks is for me to genuinely ''accept'' this girl (accept not love)
i've been seriously thinking of speaking to my father of confession about it.. but i feel desperate as if no one could ever convince my mom except if the Virgin Mary shows up in her dreams or something :(
i don't want to speak to my FoC and then have him sit down with the two of us and bring her name up. That would immediately mean to my mom that i'm dead serious about it, which could make her do any of the very stupid stuff she's done before whenever i talk about this issue in front of my FoC :(
i dont wan't to do anything my mom doesn't agree on because in the end she's my mom and she has taught me everything i know. I've tried completely ignoring the girl but it's just not working :(
I just want my mom to be happy for me and love her :(
i've been seriously thinking of speaking to my father of confession about it.. but i feel desperate as if no one could ever convince my mom except if the Virgin Mary shows up in her dreams or something :(
i don't want to speak to my FoC and then have him sit down with the two of us and bring her name up. That would immediately mean to my mom that i'm dead serious about it, which could make her do any of the very stupid stuff she's done before whenever i talk about this issue in front of my FoC :(
Speak to your confession father about this. He can guide you to what steps to take. Seriously, don't go through this on your own. So he could pray with you concerning this, so that God may show what to do.. Abouna's prayers are so blessed to have in our lives. Every crush that we are potentially serious about, we should bring up in our confessions.
Think of it this way, if you forceably go into things with this girl without God, it will continue and end possibly without God. You will drag the girl with you into this and will be responsible of her account infront of God. You also will not be focused on God, but this girl.
The thing that works is not going into things unless you are positive she is from God. Let God choose for you and don't choose for yourself, and please don't settle for anything less other than God's will for your life.
and, as u may have guessed, my folks are not egyptian. my '2nd family' in the church are, so i understand your problem. i would seriously do nothing till your mum has chilled out, and just get to know this young lady as a friend. if you chill, hopefully she will too, and then you and this lady can still be friends. in time, it will become clear if you should take the relationship any further.
i have another friend who is from a stricter background (asian, not Christian) whose family did not like her choice of man. she played it cool for several years, then started seeing him again, then finally got married. so i really think playing it cool, focusing on other aspects of your life, like knowing God, going to church etc. will help.
may God give u peace and patience :)
Anba Paula puts it in plain words, "you don't only marry a girl (or a guy) but you marry them with everything they have, which includes her/his family."
Nice meditation sodr2, but it's not parallel to the rhyming game I invented. ;)
her husband is teaching her (they are sudanese, both born there, yes, it is a true story!) and we had some lovely food in their house recently.
so it's also not the end of the world if you can't cook.
:)
;)
Work on your grape leaves rolling skills, and I'd say you're on the right track. ;)
http://img.foodnetwork.com/FOOD/2006/09/29/hs0208_grapeleaves1_lg.jpg
I can cook several things, thank you very much. I read directions at a near-professional level.
So really, what did you have in mind? I think the OP is interested too.
without going into details i want to tell all of u that God loves u very much! no human being can love you more than God loves u! BUT if there is any person who is always trying to love u just as much as God loves u.. it is ur mother!!
i want to say to all of u to respect ur mother's word no matter what! she only wants the best for u and she loves u more than any other person in the world! Any word uttered to u in advice from ur mother consider it coming straight from God (at least in my case after what i've been through)
God has blessed us to be His sons and daughters. His Holy Spirit lives in all of us! But God has also blessed us with 2 persons who guide us to his Heavenly Kingdom from the day we're born till the day He decides to take us! RESPECT those 2 persons (parents) with every breath you take, because they speak God's word to u!!
after a relation of more than 1 year i had finally decided to ignore my mother and i even went as far as to stop talking to her. before we stopped talking my mother told me to do how i please and if i think this girl is right for me then she would let us be. I have been crying now for an hour straight and praying to God that he would forgive me for what I have done to my mother. not a single word she said to me turned out to be wrong about this girl, thank God!
I apologize if my post seems un-organized but its 7 am here in Egypt and I haven't slept all night so please don't be offended. May God bless al your lives!