We have been married for few years now and had lived together in sin for many ears before marriage. We love each other very much and have no issues in our marriage other than lack of sexual drive from my wife. She has no desire to have sex and I do. I need it at least once a week, but she refuses me all the time. I manage to get some intercourse once every few weeks if I press to on the matter very hard. She is a perfect wife otherwise and I cannot bring anything against her but the issue of sex is very important to me and I cannot carry on in my marriage with the amount I get now. We did talk to the priest about it, but no improvement. She sais that the only way she can have sex with me is if she forces herself to it but is unable to impose such a stress on herself once a week. I don’t want her to force herself, I want her to want it. She just doesn’t have a sexual drive at all. She was not willing even before marriage when we lived together in sin. Would I be allowed to divorce? I don’t want to but I am afraid I may commit adultery or destroy our good relationship by my anger about it.
Comments
What is causing her lack of sexual activity with you? Does she have children? is she stressed?
Its important to know at least why?
Secondly, as a Christian, I'm not saying that sex is not important in marriage, it is - but, I am a firm believer in spiritualizing a marriage. I mean, taking it from a carnal relationship to a spiritual relationship.
Its very important.
Although God has blessed your marriage, your relationship with your wife becomes more enjoyable at a spiritual level. Its not just carnal. You achieve this by praying together, reading the Bible together .. etc.
This is really good.
Also, sex is just ONE aspect in marriage. Its not just about sex.
We can all be subjected to diseases, illnesses, disasters during our married lives. Our looks will even change over time. It would be a disaster if everyone got divorced because their partners didnt satisfy them. There will come a time when you may not be able to have sex one day either. I'm sure you would not like your wife to divorce you if you had sexual dysfunctional problems either. Right?
But I understand your frustrations - but the fact that you are talking or contemplating adultary indicates to me that the marriage is already on a carnal nature. It seems to be lacking the spiritual.
We had a discussion on this forum about love and lust in marriage - and I think this is what they meant: that if your wife cannot have sex, and u insist to have sex with her, and she's in pain from it, and u need to have it, otherwise you'll go crazy and commit adultary.. then this may be the lust they were talking about. Because lust is taking. Lust is one way and thinking about yourself only. Which, from what I can see... seems to be the case.
Thank u very much for your answer. Just wanted to clarify that I do not contemplate adultery but I am rather afraid it might happen when tempted by the devil. That because the lack of sex I may succumb to temptation and that would be a terrible think. We are surrounded with indecent images and people all over the place. Sometimes my colleagues dress provocatively and think it is ok and proper not realizing the damage they might cause. Clients come half naked and this is acceptable to the society ext…
I think you are extremely honest and even humble about this. Its wise to assume that you are not above temptation. That's good. I definately commend you for this.
What then is the problem with her sex drive?
Zoxsasi obviously said things which are straight to the point, and I will only add one or two things, maybe just emphasising what he said in other words: I'd ask you to reflect back on your past lifestyle. You said you were living in sin (only you and God know what that means for you) with that woman, but you got married, and that shows the kind of love you bear for one another. Yes, you do have sexual needs, and you are aware of worldly temptations and lusts. As Zoxsasi said, you can take your marriage to a spiritual level. How? By changing your own thoughts:- you may start thinking to yourself "OK, NOW GOD IS GIVING ME A HARD TEST IN MY LIFE, WHETHER I WILL GO WITH IT AND SUCCEED, OR GO AGAINST IT AND FAIL IS UP TO ME". I guess if I were you, I would accept and live my life happily with physical relationships to the minimum to satisfy my wife's needs (psychological ones) rather than mine. Please remember that there are families who are very well physically and mentally and they give birth to children with very difficult-to-cope-with diseases, and cancers, and most of them (if not all) live happily with patience and prayer to accept God's will in their lives. Those are the ones who win crowns at the end of days.
God bless us all and have mercy on us, and give us wisdom to live according to His will on this earth.
Oujai
we don’t know. She sais that she has absolutely no sexual desires at all. She doesn’t look at any other men and has no attraction to them. No dreams of sexual nature and cannot stand a view of an improper picture or outfit. Dressed very nicely with great taste but not in any way that might reveal what should be hidden. Is very respectful in her appearance or behaviour. Understands her own attractiveness (she is a beautiful women) and always keeps men at distance so that they would not have false hopes or thought. She sais that in order for her to be able to worm up to the idea of an intercourse she must have a clear mind (thinks done in the house that must be done, ready for the next day ext), be relaxed, not tired, not under pressure of time and must be encouraged, stimulated throughout the whole day ( not physically but emotionally by kindness, warmth ext, by relaxing impulses). The problem is that such days are very rare due to the nature of life and she sometimes prefers using that time for herself like reading a book or watching a movie in peace. She is a very practical person and very organized who likes thinks the way they are to be. Perhaps she should go to a doctor for some pills but the priest was not very happy with it
There's your answer right there!
Get a maid to help you out in the house. Make sure everything is done.
Make sure the house is in perfect condition. Take out the garbage, clean the dishes before she comes.. .make her a nice meal when she comes home... get her to relax...
and then you never know.. MAYBE you'll score?
I'm glad im not a grown up. And never will be.
Get candles.. put them everywhere.
I'm renting this place and apparently they've got candles EVERYWHERE... i mean, it looks stupid in my opinion, but women like that kind of stuff.
lol.. they even have candles in the toilet...
Listen, you just need to be creative.
-common practice in Africa..
Thanks to John_S2000 for the amazing site, once again. I can understand everyone now.
We have been married for few years now and had lived together in sin for many ears before marriage. We love each other very much and have no issues in our marriage other than lack of sexual drive from my wife. She has no desire to have sex and I do. I need it at least once a week, but she refuses me all the time. I manage to get some intercourse once every few weeks if I press to on the matter very hard. She is a perfect wife otherwise and I cannot bring anything against her but the issue of sex is very important to me and I cannot carry on in my marriage with the amount I get now. We did talk to the priest about it, but no improvement. She sais that the only way she can have sex with me is if she forces herself to it but is unable to impose such a stress on herself once a week. I don’t want her to force herself, I want her to want it. She just doesn’t have a sexual drive at all. She was not willing even before marriage when we lived together in sin. Would I be allowed to divorce? I don’t want to but I am afraid I may commit adultery or destroy our good relationship by my anger about it.
Klara,
Why would you not ask your FOC (Father of Confession) about these private issues?? I do not think any forum member could help you,unless they are licensed professional councelors. I find some of your wordings too inappropriate,to say the least.Please remember, this is a family forum.I and many others have underaged sibilings that visit the forum in search of edifying messages.My apology if I come across as imprudent.
Ewwwww! Grown up disscussions are gross.
I'm glad im not a grown up. And never will be.
"like"
Amen.