I have a couple of questions about marriage....
I was reading in Deuteronomy a couple of days ago and I came across a passage that said that if a woman was found out to not be a virgin on her wedding day then the people need to take her out of the village and stone her to death.
That was enough to make me shiver.
So, here's my question: Are non-virgins, according to the Orthodox faith, allowed to marry? Why are women who are non-virgins stoned, but men who are non-virgins not?
I may be completely wrong, but I heard (from a side conversation and I think on CTV a while ago) that there is some kind of "test" that girls have to go through before marriage to make "sure" that they are virgins.
Isn't that a bit much? Shouldn't that be only God and that girl's concern? Why would a man not love his wife because she is not a virgin?
So, anyways, I'm very confused...and frightened....
Comments
[quote author=StrugglingButLearning link=topic=12407.msg145312#msg145312 date=1317179518]
I was reading in Deuteronomy a couple of days ago and I came across a passage that said that if a woman was found out to not be a virgin on her wedding day then the people need to take her out of the village and stone her to death.
That was enough to make me shiver.
Why? We live in the age of Grace, not the age of the Law.
[quote author=StrugglingButLearning link=topic=12407.msg145312#msg145312 date=1317179518]
So, here's my question: Are non-virgins, according to the Orthodox faith, allowed to marry?
Yes
[quote author=StrugglingButLearning link=topic=12407.msg145312#msg145312 date=1317179518] Why are women who are non-virgins stoned, but men who are non-virgins not?
It's easier to determine whether a woman is a virgin or not than a man. However, men were stoned as well for adultery and fornication. It wasn't just a punishment for women.
[quote author=StrugglingButLearning link=topic=12407.msg145312#msg145312 date=1317179518]
I may be completely wrong, but I heard (from a side conversation and I think on CTV a while ago) that there is some kind of "test" that girls have to go through before marriage to make "sure" that they are virgins.
This isn't true.
[quote author=StrugglingButLearning link=topic=12407.msg145312#msg145312 date=1317179518]
So, anyways, I'm very confused...and frightened....
You really have nothing to fear.
The term "Virginity" really ought to be wisely used - especially in an Orthodox context. In a medical/biological context, it means that a person has not had sexual intercourse. However, in a spiritual context, it goes beyond this. I can't go and do everything sexual - except sexual intercourse, and think I'm a virgin (spiritually speaking).
If we only recognise virginity in a medical context, what are we doing then as Christians (?), for purity of the heart is what allows us to enter the Church and be worthy of receiving the Holy Sacraments. It is the purity or virginity of the heart that ought to manifest itself in us for us to be virgins physically anyway.
Of course non-virgins are allowed to get married in Church, but as I said, what the Church insists upon is repentance - which makes a prostitute into a virgin. It is repentance, through God's Grace, that creates in us a pure heart. We may not be physically virgins - and this has its consequences, but spiritually, the consequences of not being a virgin and yet repented for it, are indeed absolved.
The Pope mentioned this. He said that there are 2 prices for ANY sin: a physical part, and a spiritual part. We cannot escape or avoid the physical consequences of any sin. For example, if I smoke, or take drugs, it may lead to a physical death. It will also lead to a spiritual death. However, repentance absolves the spiritual death effect of that sin. So, before God, you are a virgin. No one can tell you otherwise.
If someone tells you otherwise, then they are sinning - it means they see that Christ's Holy Blood that was shed for our sins is not enough to purge you of your sin. This is either pride or blasphemy. However, the physical effect of the sin (or any sin) remains. This is something I think your future partner ought to know, but more importantly, in a christian context, they ought to know why this happened and if you repented for it. If you justify it, its the worst thing.
I hope this is clear.