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Please help me, i feel that i lost one of great friends
Hi All,
Please I need help ASAP
I'm a 23 year old guy, I have one of my great friends from church, she is 21. Both of us have a good friendship and are a brother and sister, we are from the same group of youth in church, and we have always been good friends.
I used to help her to get over her sad moments by encouraging her and so on. And she also sometimes used to help me and she used to tell me some of her secrets when she is annoyed from something and feels that she needs to talk to someone.
We have a great friendship for years, since we were little. But suddenly I found her changing and doesn't talk to me at all anymore. Even if we are in a group, she comes by and says hi to everyone and then doesn't say anything to me. So I asked her about what is wrong. I found her responding in an offending way and she was nearly shouting at me by saying "Well there is nothing wrong, stop asking this question, you have to be more understandable to know that I had an exam, so don't ask this question again" I felt hurt and i just walked off, then she felt that did something bad, and came and apologized and asked me about what is wrong, so I told her that I feel that she is completely changed, so she said "I'm just stressed from exams" but I felt that there is something else that is making her changed.
When i went home she text me and said "I feel that our friendship is too close and I feel that I need my distance, I feel a bit uncomfortable, you are a guy and I'm a girl and there should be limits"
I was very hurt by her words, but I responded and said "I promise you that I will give you your distance and that I will not annoy you again"
Now I don't know what to do, she is very dear friend to my heart, I consider her as my little sister and seriously I don't want to lose her friendship, simply because both of us were very good friends to eachother,
Please help me if you can,
I would like to hear the opinion of the females as well
thanks
Please I need help ASAP
I'm a 23 year old guy, I have one of my great friends from church, she is 21. Both of us have a good friendship and are a brother and sister, we are from the same group of youth in church, and we have always been good friends.
I used to help her to get over her sad moments by encouraging her and so on. And she also sometimes used to help me and she used to tell me some of her secrets when she is annoyed from something and feels that she needs to talk to someone.
We have a great friendship for years, since we were little. But suddenly I found her changing and doesn't talk to me at all anymore. Even if we are in a group, she comes by and says hi to everyone and then doesn't say anything to me. So I asked her about what is wrong. I found her responding in an offending way and she was nearly shouting at me by saying "Well there is nothing wrong, stop asking this question, you have to be more understandable to know that I had an exam, so don't ask this question again" I felt hurt and i just walked off, then she felt that did something bad, and came and apologized and asked me about what is wrong, so I told her that I feel that she is completely changed, so she said "I'm just stressed from exams" but I felt that there is something else that is making her changed.
When i went home she text me and said "I feel that our friendship is too close and I feel that I need my distance, I feel a bit uncomfortable, you are a guy and I'm a girl and there should be limits"
I was very hurt by her words, but I responded and said "I promise you that I will give you your distance and that I will not annoy you again"
Now I don't know what to do, she is very dear friend to my heart, I consider her as my little sister and seriously I don't want to lose her friendship, simply because both of us were very good friends to eachother,
Please help me if you can,
I would like to hear the opinion of the females as well
thanks
Comments
idk...i think that if she said she needs her space..then she needs her space and time to think....maybe she'll come around..or maybe you should just be completely casual around her and treat her like you treat any of your just ok friends....that really is what she asked for :/
well guess what...this is the answer to your prayers.... it might not have worked out the way YOU planed it, but the way GOD planed it.... from the other thread you sounded very sad.... and you couldn't tell her to" stay away from you" kind of thing.... and you prayed.... this is the answer to your prayers....
i have a really crazy theory... tell me if you want to hear it....
thanks
She would naturally have some internal problems by now that is inappropriate to tell you/bother you, as a friend. As we age we all tend to be a bit more "secretive"; I don't think it is being more secretive though- I think we just developed a sense of what are proper limitations and boundaries. So, I don't think it is right for you to believe that a close friendship would mean all this gut spilling like in your teens.
It's tough- but what she is going through might be tough, and it is more difficult if you take her sense of control away from her. To empower her now, you just have to offer support if she comes to you. Before, in the days as kids, we had no sense of needing to control- we were completely complacent in having it in our friends or parents. So, we congregated in groups- we got close friends, and we confided. Some of us didn't- and it is usually those who never felt comfortable with the control of their parents.
As Christians, we need to evolve one step further- to surrender our control to God. If God wants you to be an agent of His love for her, the opportunity will come- don't worry.
But of course- it may just be the exams! I guess suss it out until after the exams. Don't stop talking to her. Just avoid the subject, and be physically there for her. If she needs you to be emotionally there for her (with the obvious boundaries of friendship), then she will initiate it- she is old enough now to make her own decisions and she knows well now the consequences. And I guess, even if you think exams is not the whole story- just empathesis I guess with the stress that she has from the exams, and just for now take her word for it that everything is about the exams. I don't think she will trust you if you don't trust her.
I will definitely give her the space that she needs while ofcourse not ignoring her, I will be there for her anytime she needs me,
Any other opinions?
thank
isn't this the very same girl you used to like? Remember? U just made a thread about that. I gave u advice about her.
Hany,
isn't this the very same girl you used to like? Remember? U just made a thread about that. I gave u advice about her.
Vas.
I already asked that question:
[quote author=coptic pharaoh link=topic=6766.msg90871#msg90871 date=1213635793]
isn't this the same problem you were dealing with??? the girl that you liked but she considered you only he brother.... and you said you have been praying for a long time and all that stuff??? http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php?topic=6235.0
well guess what...this is the answer to your prayers.... it might not have worked out the way YOU planed it, but the way GOD planed it.... from the other thread you sounded very sad.... and you couldn't tell her to" stay away from you" kind of thing.... and you prayed.... this is the answer to your prayers....
And he ansewered it.......
[quote author=baladoos link=topic=6766.msg90924#msg90924 date=1213693439]
No she is not actually, she is another girl,
..
jus smile mate :) all is well :)
God bless n take care
laterz
Maybe someone told her in private that it seemed like u and her were more than friends....it might've been her parents or anyone from the church....and she might've been been taken back by this and tht is why she is acting like this to try and change tht misconseption even though tht might not be the best way to go about it....
either way.....i think the best thing is what ur doing....no matter what though my advice is dont run after her.....when she needs u she'll come.....but the best thing for u to do is to be normal around her...
I hope i helped in anyway..
plz pray for me...I really need it right now..
Thank U
I think that I will just give her the space that she needs so that she will feel beter about it,
Yesterday we met at church and she came and said "Hi" even though she didn't do that for about more than 2 months now.........
Listen, there's a great chance that both of you are of Egyptian origin right? I know that some people will not agree with what I am going to say, but I am saying it anyway.
We, as Egyptian girls, are taught that the most important thing you have is your reputation. You guys have been friends for a long time now, as you say. Maybe this girls parents have told her to take a step back in that friendship, because of the evil tongues people have. People might have started thinking stuff, or even saying stuff about both of you (which is worse when you are a girl, because, we are and always will be Egyptians). I am not saying that this is right, but it is what happens, unfortunately.
Like Lover said: I think she just did not know how to tell you this or how to behave towards you... and if you are such good friends as you say, forgive her :) Give her the space she needs... and it is a good thing she started talking to you again right? True friendship is forever buddy, Rabena ma3ak.
Irini
Just as lover said, I think she might have been afraid of people and what they say about her and her reputation... Anyways as you said, I think you should just be there for her and maybe learn to accept that now that you've grown older that your friendship might not remain as strong because of the pressures of society and maybe also simply because you change a lot when you get older, anyways I hope it works out well between you two
God Bless
Please pray for me
I completely agree with all what you guys are saying.....Ofcourse I understand how egyptian people act about reputation, and this happened with me before. People in the church never stop talking about anything, even if there is nothing there, they invent their own stories and start spreading this everywhere.
I forgive her honestly, I'm more upset that I lost her as a friend. Even though 2 days ago I went to youth meeting, and she was there. She came and said "Hi" which was a big surprise for me. I said hi to her too and asked her about how she is going.l But after the youth meeting, I just felt so uncomfortable and nervous to talk to her so I just went home.
I understand her situation, I will give her the space that she needs and hopefully things will get better,
thanks a lot for the replies guys, I really appreciate your help so much, without you guys i would have been very frustrated from this situation
;D ;D
do not take any moves or approach her with anything, just pray and she will come and talk to you. but when you pray, pray that it is according to His Will.
i am not really good at this but God never wants two people to be upset from each other... and take that thought out that you guys are not friends anymore-thats a devil talk.
God is good and He knows nothing but good- Pope Shounda .
So God would never ever want two people not to be friends but if He wants you guys not to be together (as dating), He will send you the message but never in a hurting way, only what you could endure.
Hope that helped. sorry if i said anything that offended anyone .
pray