this is kind of a confusing question, what if u like this guy from church and he likes you. You start talking to him online, he tells u that he loves you, what r u supposed to do? he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only. he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not. I really did like him in the begginning, but then i found some really bad things abouit his family and about himself. My dad knows him and he told me not to talk to him [my dad did not know that i was talking to him online], anyways, i know that he still likes me, but i dont like him, i dont even want to be his friend nomore because he told me stuff that i did not like about him. I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore. i think he is a player first of all, he told me he has many girlfriends. i feel guilty talking to him in the first place, but i want to tell him the truth without being mean.
i really need ur help, thanks
sry this is so long
Comments
Well, I really admire the way that you described your situation, and that you were very mature like this. Well in my own opinion you have tried to stop him many times but he didn't wana stop. You can just go to abouna in your church and tell him about this guy and what he is doing and abouna will know really well how to stop him in secrety. If you don't feel comfortable with this solution, then you can just tell this guy that he is not one of your friends and that you don't even want his friendship. I know that this might sound very rude, but really this is the only solution if he doesn't wana stop annoying you.
I hope I helped
take care
Baladoos
i agree with Baladoos about goin 2 abouna bcuz he will help u alot
and u should tell abouna(if u go 2 him) 2 maybe talk wid him and his parents
i hope i helped
God bless
Glad to help you
God Bless You
Tell your FOC ASAP.
God bless and take care
btw your a strong gal egy especially wen u have christ by your side
I'm not sure why exactly one needs to go see their FoC in a matter like this. This is not an issue of two people interested in each other, who wish to pursue a relationship that will potentially lead to marriage. No spiritual guidance is needed here. What needs to be done is simple. Ignore this person by all means possible.
Please pray for me.
this is kind of a confusing question, what if u like this guy from church and he likes you. You start talking to him online, he tells u that he loves you, what r u supposed to do? he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only. he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not. I really did like him in the begginning, but then i found some really bad things abouit his family and about himself. My dad knows him and he told me not to talk to him [my dad did not know that i was talking to him online], anyways, i know that he still likes me, but i dont like him, i dont even want to be his friend nomore because he told me stuff that i did not like about him. I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore. i think he is a player first of all, he told me he has many girlfriends. i feel guilty talking to him in the first place, but i want to tell him the truth without being mean.
i really need ur help, thanks
sry this is so long
THat's a good question. How to tell someone the truth without being mean.
No matter how old u get, its always an issue.
I just wish to leave u with ONE small piece of advice that hopefully will help u.
God said "Love your neighbour as you love yourself". He didnt' say "love him MORE than yourself".
If you, being his friend, are suffering as a result of it, and u are his friend just to be considered ONE of his many wives (lol), then tell him that in your own words. Tell him how low he makes you feel.
my advice
be straight forward. stern and strict. no laughing and simling about the idea when telling him the RIGHT THING
and that IS..... there is no love at this age no none stick to being friends and brothers and sisters. yes love each other as neighbours and concentrate ur heart in loving God with all ur desire and passion. tuck those thoughts and desire of the so called 'love' as temptation and straying away rather reserve them till the time is right and appropiate. and the belssing of God will be there.
if he continues to be an ediate then tell ur DAD to talk to him/family and make it a matter of the adults to solve it.
have nothing to do withhim online or at church.ignore him and concentrate on God. there is no hurting anyones feeling. his feeling should not be there in the first place they are going to be trampled on becuase this 'boy' is putting them in the wrong place
doint have any sympathy for himat all
fools tot he is.....may God lead him and u to better judgment and wisdom.
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
I'm not sure why exactly one needs to go see their FoC in a matter like this. This is not an issue of two people interested in each other, who wish to pursue a relationship that will potentially lead to marriage. No spiritual guidance is needed here. What needs to be done is simple. Ignore this person by all means possible.
ones FOC is more than just a spiritual adviser..........if you feel comforable talking to him and disclosing problems such as these then why not........although ppl tend to over rely on priests and dont take initiative themselves to attempt to resolve the issue........i believe a priest is more than just someone who provides spiritual guidance and whom you go to confess your sins but this depends on the relationship you have with your FOC
Human beings by nature require comfort and wise counseling, and the need to speak to someone regarding problems or worries. They feel the need to have someone share their joys as well as their sorrows, and this is especially so when disclosing sensitive issues to a person who is a priest, a confession father, a teacher, or a guardian; one who keeps secrets, and has a nurturing nature.
Kerestina,
I have always viewed the FoC as primarily the person one turns to for spiritual advice. If a person is comfortable confiding in their FoC in other matters, that is up to them. But it is as you say, This is the issue I'm concerned about. Often people are afraid to think for themselves and as such run to their FoC for anything and everything. God did create us with a mind of our own, to think for ourselves. We also have parents and friends who can advise us as well. That is all I meant in my post.
Please pray for me.
This is known as the OBJECTIFICATION OF WOMMEN!...
.. he is playing on your emotions to make u feel like u like him..
I don't meen to jump the gun, but seriously, there is no place for friendship with lust....!
Tell this guy to get lost!.. he thinks he's some hero that can get what he wants..
If you don't stop this now, it can have dire consequences in the future..God Forbid!
God Bless,
Fadi
Her problem was "how can she put him down without being mean". Right!?
So, she ALREADY agrees in her heart that the relationship is not good.
Listen, dear, here's what u should do. Now: Remember where Christ said :"if your right hand makes u sin, cut it away from you?" Well.. this isn't your hand, it if he makes you sin, CUT IT. But using the word "Cut it" - Our Lord didn't say "tame it" , or "discipline it", or "pray for it". He said "CUT IT". Now, if he makes u stumble, you can be as harsh as necessary. You want an example:
A princess INSISTED to see Father Arsenious in the monastery. He refused her many times. SHe went anyway... when she saw him , she threw herself at his feet and said "Father, Father! Pray for me". THe abbot looked at her and said "Pray for you? You stupid woman, I PRAY THAT GOD REMOVES THE IMAGE OF YOU FROM MY HEAD! What are u doing here!? Its a monastery with monks! Please leave!!".
Now.... this is a HUGE lesson!! He was kind of aggressive towards her.. at first, we think "well.. that's mean!" - that's not very "christian like"... but you know what ? This "cutting off" a bad relationship for him. We ALL have difficulty in being mean, and we suffer so much because we never had this in us to just "cut off" a bad relationship.
Many people think that this story of Fr.Arsenious is not a good one. because its "wrong" to be mean.. but not really.
OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.
and you have.......lol not even now..........
the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?
well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
- ignore him
- ignore by all means
- delete him off msn and disregard him totally
-she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
-actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
-tell him how he makes you feel
-tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
-be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
-keep him in ur prayers
-tell the guy to get lost
-cut him off
-stand your ground
-dont talk to him
now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him
anyways back to your question egy………..not all people can confront guys or gals straight up and say back up off me im not interested in you and thus yiu need to show how u feel thru ur actions……….its good that uve tried to voice it out to him on msn now show him u mean it as I know u do……….u know can do it gurl……….
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=5109.msg69259#msg69259 date=1175521943]
[quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69253#msg69253 date=1175476476]
OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.
and you have.......lol not even now..........
the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?
well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
- ignore him
- ignore by all means
- delete him off msn and disregard him totally
-she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
-actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
-tell him how he makes you feel
-tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
-be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
-keep him in ur prayers
-tell the guy to get lost
-cut him off
-stand your ground
-dont talk to him
now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him
Amen!
Listen, your answer was good Kerestina, but it was lacking in something.....
EGY: Listen, i think i can safely speak for everyone here when I say, that if u ended up, after ALL this advice, to marry this person, we'd be very disappointed and surprised to say the least.
[quote author=kerestina link=topic=5109.msg69259#msg69259 date=1175521943]
[quote author=vassilios link=topic=5109.msg69253#msg69253 date=1175476476]
OK. You know what... NO ONE here has ANSWERED this poor girl's problem.
and you have.......lol not even now..........
the message portrayed across in that story was to cut the sin or the cause of sin out of your life NO?
well through skimming the responses...........my dear french man you will see...........that a number of contructive suggestions have been provided and consists of the following;
- ignore him
- ignore by all means
- delete him off msn and disregard him totally
-she's spoken to him and he has not taken her seriously
-actions send a stronger message than words as it demonstrates that she's serious
-tell him how he makes you feel
-tell him online........he's a beep beep........nah kiddin
-be straight, stern and strict and tell him out right to back off coz ur not interested
-keep him in ur prayers
-tell the guy to get lost
-cut him off
-stand your ground
-dont talk to him
now now now..........plenty more can be suggested but dont tell me the above doesnt answer her question and your response does..............cutting sumone out of ur life means ignoring them, resisting the temptation to talk with them, telling them to get lost,distancing yourself from him
anyways back to your question egy………..not all people can confront guys or gals straight up and say back up off me im not interested in you and thus yiu need to show how u feel thru ur actions……….its good that uve tried to voice it out to him on msn now show him u mean it as I know u do……….u know can do it gurl……….
and secondly, not all ppl can actually confront someone no matter if the approach is mean or nice........i understand the question; how can one who is quite sincere contructively telll someone they are not interested in to back off without offending or upsetting them????............if you cant say it, show it through your actions
and thirldy, what did you say u see as the answer???
firstly, what was it lacking?? and where are you egy???
and secondly, not all ppl can actually confront someone no matter if the approach is mean or nice........i understand the question; how can one who is quite sincere contructively telll someone they are not interested in to back off without offending or upsetting them????............if you cant say it, show it through your actions
and thirldy, what did you say u see as the answer???
I was just saying one small thing. Her problem was how to tell someone something harsh, without being mean. I see the answer as: If anyone (ANYONE) makes u sin, causes u to stumble: BE MEAN! Its as if the Church gives u the green light.... BE MEAN!
This girl wanted to seduce a guy i know... he slapped her. Anyway, she insisted, and he left her.... i mean.. slapping isnt "nice".. its mean. U don't have to be 'nice'...
You cannot please men an God (Saint Paul said so)...
Im glad though u asked this question cos it makes me think too ... i should do the same!!
God bless
There are always two ways to deal with a situation: a civil way and the 'mean' way. In almost all cases, it is not necessary to be mean at all. In this case in particular, if she just ignores the person, and simply refuses to acknowledge his existence, that action alone would speak volumes. Unless you are an inherently mean person, then you would feel the need to lash out, insult or strike a person. There is never a valid reason to be mean.
Please pray for me.
Its rude! Isnt it ?
Furthermore, what im suggesting is even LESS mean actually than what u are proposing: Im suggesting that she goes up to him and tells him politely (BUT FIRMLY) to not call her again.
THat's more civilised and less mean than ignoring her.
Your way is very mean... and annoying... the guy will just come back and think she's playing hard to get.
I was just saying one small thing. Her problem was how to tell someone something harsh, without being mean. I see the answer as: If anyone (ANYONE) makes u sin, causes u to stumble: BE MEAN! Its as if the Church gives u the green light.... BE MEAN!
i understand what you mean and i dont think using the word "mean" correctly portrays your point.........its about being open and honest in a constructive NOT destructove manner.......i agree it is always best to front ppl up on certain issues BUT the thing is not all ppl are confident in speaking openly face to face............and here is where i agree with Κηφᾶς, if one is not comfortable in confronting someone openly in person than actions would be the second alternative becoz it does carry weight and send the message.........girls naturally are concerned beings, guys too but girls more so and the fear is using the correct wording so as to not offend or upset them and be seen as "mean" which does have a negative connotation..........me personally.......i dont see how ignoring them and giving them a declined amount of interest is mean.....perhaps not ignore per se but slowly distancing yourself till they realise......."hey im a fool, plz forgive"
[quote author=Κηφᾶς link=topic=5109.msg69295#msg69295 date=1175611019]
[coptic]+ Iryny nem `hmot>[/coptic]
In this case in particular, if she just ignores the person, and simply refuses to acknowledge his existence, that action alone would speak volumes.
God bless n take care
[quote author=egy link=topic=5109.msg68730#msg68730 date=1174099088]
he asks u if u love him and u say no.keep in mind that both of us r only 15! you tell him that u like him and want to be friends only.
he starts calling u baby, first i did not care, i thought he was just joking but then he tells me that i cant talk to guys online b/c i am his girlfriend. That was getting on my nerves, i felt like he was controlling me! When he told me that i told him that i am not his girlfriend and that i dont want to have one, more importantly i CANT have one. You ask him to stop, and he says ok, he does not.
I talked to him recently [online] and he asked me if i dont want him to call me his baby, i said 'dont call me that', ofcourse, he asked me wny i replied and said 'i dont liker ppl calling me baby'. he did not reply back, my real question is 'how am i supposed to tell him that i dont like him anymore.
She has tried talking to this person and talk has failed. The next logical step is to simply ignore the person. I fail to see how such action would be considered 'cruel' or not 'civilized'. And if the boy thinks she is playing hard to get, then clearly he is an idiot, because she has made it clear that she is not interested in him whatsoever.
god bless all of u
thanks everyone!!!!!!!, i did not go on fort around 2-3 weeks, i was so happy when i saw all of those replies guess what i told him that i am not allowed to have a bf because christanity and he kinda understod what i meant, the problem is he still likes me but he knows that i will never go out with him EVER
god bless all of u
Why is that a problem?
I guess it's tough on him.. but there's no more you can do.. You've been honest with him now he's got to deal with it. You should abstain from speaking to him much, hi and bye if you have to.. It'll make things less complicated.
Good Luck..
+God Bless
pray hard
let the Almight help u
Tifsehit