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i am sending p.m.
Do not fear. Continue in faith in the process of repentance and confession to a priest. The interesting thing, brother, is that Christ did some of his best work with adulterers and people who had misused their sexuality. Let me give you some interesting stories to read, which may both cause you to repent fully, and give you the hope of the Holy Spirit:
The important thing is to be wise against the devil in this battle. I can only imagine the teter-totter that you are going through right now. Be careful of excessive grief. I know of this battle all too well and it does not end well. Accept the salvation of Christ and do not allow the despair of the devil to touch you. His wounds cut deep. At the same time, be careful of rushing into forgetfulness. You must work out repentance for this sin. I guess what I am trying to say is let your sincere and complete repentance be mingled with sincere joy in the salvation of Christ. Let one tear streaming down your face be for the folly of your sin, and one for the promise of forgiveness.[li]Story of St. Mary of Egypt[/li]
[li]David and Bathsheba[/li]
The rest, I think Mabsoota's advice would be of greatest importance. Speak to your father of confession who I am sure will be able to move you along the path of repentance. Message me is the guilt of sin becomes too heavy to carry, and you need someone to unload to (of course after you speak to your FOC). Believe me, I am not judging you. I know how easy it is to be caught up in such sins. May God grant you healing.
Ray
There is no sin that the blood of Christ cannot wash away. I know your upset, but lead a path of repentance.
After repentance and confession, forget the sin completely. Don't forget your weakness but forget the sin. Christ himself said, "When I forgive, I forget". Satan will attack you and make you feel weak and miserable. He will try to prevent you from going to church and going to the mysteries. He will try to guilt you, and make you remember this sin even after confession. This is why we pray in the Liturgy to cast away from us "the remembrance of evil entailing death".
Don't forget also that Christ even said that looking at a woman in a impure way the individual has already committed adultery.
As an Orthodox church, all sins are equal and lead to death. No sin is greater than the other. Even Ananias and Sapphira perished when they lied. A simple lie.
Don't forget the great love Christ has for all of us when we sin. Chant with David the Psalmist, "My sin is at all times before me", but have hope in Christ that "Your sins are forgiven, Go in Peace".
I admire you for addressing this issue, and I see your heart is leaning towards Repentance.
Do not forget also that the heavens are filled with former adulterers. Do not forget their lives of penance. St. Mary of Egypt, St. Augustine the Great, St. Moses the Black, etc. Who have become great saints in our church.
Repent this sin, and forget it. With regards to future relationships and ultimately marriage, I suggest seeking advice from your Spiritual Guide or an Orthodox Christian counselor if thoughts of the future or past are causing you regret, fear, and worry.
God bless you for your strength, and may the Lord keep us all from evil.
"Come unto me all you who are weary and heavy laden, and I will give you rest."
you repeatedly explained how you wanted her to come to your bed to "fool" around, and that's where it would stop, because you want to keep your virginity. with all due respect I find this the stupidest thing I can hear. so its okay to kiss a hundred girls and you call yourself as keeping yourself? is it okay to "fool" around, and call yourself as keeping yourself for marriage?! c'mon do you see how this sounds?!
to keep yourself for a special person means, you don't kiss you don't fool around, you keep everything for this special person. if you want to repent, then repent, but know that when you repent you have to stop everything, including "fooling" around.
now there is a beautiful story that helps me in these situations, once St. Augustine (who had a child of sin, and took him with him, and later on served as a priest in the saint's parish.) had one of the girls who he knew come to his door and knocked, the saint asked who she was looking for, she told him she was looking for Augustine, he responded, Augustine is not here, he is dead.
put this story always in your mind, let your old self die, become the person you want to be, and the person you want to be is a person who will completely save himself for the right person.
to conclude, I will ask you a question, would you marry a girl who saved her hymen, but did everything else as much as she wanted?!
Go to your priest. Get tested.
Change your mind.
Oh Beloved father brother or son,
What on Earth were your thinking????
What a situation.
On the positive note you experienced sex and i hope it felt good.... just kidding.
This is definitely a bad situation in all honesty. I hope you used a condom or some form of protection, which reading from your post it seems like you didn't. But i really hope you did. Though you kept in for a short time, medically speaking your seminal vesical probably ejaculated sperm. Now if this girl is sleeping around with other christian fellows like yourself she could have an STD such as genital warts, chlamadia, herpes, and maybe HIV which can all be transeferred to you. I recomand you should visit a guyologist (the male version of a gynecologist), who should examine you. But don't be surprised if they have to examine your dingdong. Now examining this from the non- spiritual church point of view, what of this female ended up being pregnant. Whats next?? How will you explain to your parents that you have to pay for child support, and you run yourself the danger of potential lawsuits. If she's pregnant she will not care about you and will not defend your case. I know it sounds harsh.
I know a lot of boys your age and at this age and younger who are virgin and want to try to have sexual experience. I know females have far more interesting bodied than guys, but you have to be careful of your actions.
Best wishes to you my beloved brother. If you want i have connections with some Bishops who you may want to speak with you, who may give you some advice. Let me know.. I can connect with the trice Blessed Bishop Micheal, general vicar of specified churches in Virginia, Maryland, Pensilvania, North and South Carolina,
trice Blessed His Grace Bishop Mina, bishop of Vancouver, Missasauga, and Western Canada pentapolis, and the trice blessed honorable Father, the trice Blessed His Grace Bishop Zosima, bishop of Saif and Atfieh archeaoplis.
Glory be to GOd forever amen.
To DBassily, take mabsoota's advice contained in this thread.