Hello, oh forums!
It's a glorious day as I begin my hunger! Let's see how long I can last on water. So far so good, I'm studying calculus very well and I'm super fast, it's like my brain loves it! Running on pure fat is amazing.
I'll keep you guys update as I go along with God's help. The point of this 'hunger strike' is to change my mindset and change myself so that I may never make a mistake again.
I thought to myself, in school, if I make a stupid mistake on a test/quiz/exam, I'll always remember that test/quiz/exam and that mistake specifically and I'll never make it again because I'm punished by losing a mark which could affect my spot as the top student with highest grades in the university.
So I would like to bring this to myself in real life. There is no punishment for doing mistakes in life, so I'm making it so that I feel as if I really did do wrong and I'll remember it and then I'll never do it again... I'll watch out for the mistake.
That's about it! It's just a couple days and I feel my jeans are starting to fit again, even though they're still very tight.
Pray for my 'fast'.
Lettuce Attend the Fast
Edit: Please, no one worry or panic, this fast has been approved by the supreme council of the science and vector calculus alliances (myself).
Comments
Revelation 7:17 "for the Lamb who is in the midst of the throne will shepherd them and lead them to
living fountains of waters. And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."
This is hope. Fasting is prayer, so I am joining you in spirit.
My Lord, encourage our dear brother so blue
Isaiah 41:10 Fear not, for I am with you:
Be not dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you.
Yes, I will help you.
I will uphold you with My righteous right hand.'
Joshua, thank you for your encouraging words.
It's just so hard to fast when your mom makes chickens leg with wild potatoe. Water, water, water...
Time to rest after a first day.
minstageel, I am 180 lbs, I think I have enough energy... and fat burns at a steadier rate, right?
Joshua, thank you for your encouraging words.
It's just so hard to fast when your mom makes chickens leg with wild potatoe. Water, water, water...
Time to rest after a first day.
You can't just eat nothing. You need certain nutrients otherwise you'll be doing more harm than good.
I recommend you consult with a medical professional and follow his advice.
Also please change the title, 'Hunger Strike', which is associated with much more serious situations.
And if your attempting one of those super ascetic monk fasts its not just water. They eat quite an amount of salt and bread with the water they drink so the water is retained within there bodies.
Not to mention you just simply study better with something in your stomach and some energy in your body!
I think three days is enough, so I'll end the fast today at around noon. However I've not learned my lesson so I'll have to do something even more extreme and dangerous to my body. It's 30 degrees below freezing outside (centigrade) so I'll spend an entire day without a coat, hat, or anything. Just a t-shirt and my pants and my pack. I'll go to university by bus with just that. It'll be the worst day of my life and I'll remember why I did it through that day. I'll inform you guys when I'll do it so you guys are prepared. I'll also take a few pictures to remind me of the gruesome day that lied waiting ahead of me and ambushed me.
Athanasius1: I will indeed not eat too much in the beginning and will try to return my body to normal for the next task at hand. I'm going to definitely post updates on what happens 'the day I go cold' and I'll post people's reactions. I bet at least one person will see me as a lunatic, and at least one person will try to cover me up, and maybe a few other people will try beat the living daylights out of me.
I'll be with a few friends during that day so that if I die, they take care of my body, so bystanders don't freak out.
What you are doing and saying is not healthy behavior, physically, mentally or spiritually.
My friend, be careful at what you are doing and thinking.
I hope I am wrong and I misunderstood your intentions and actions. But if not, examine yourself truthfully and find out why you are thinking, saying and doing these things. Go speak to a priest or a professional psychologist.
I do admire your zeal. It reminds me of the zeal of Simon (before he was called Peter) & Saul (before he was called Paul) & Thomas (when he said let us also go with Him that we may die with Him but later refused to accept his resurrection), etc.
The Church Fathers has experimented for years in the desert, not in a haphazard manner, but with much wisdom & discernment. They have handed down what God has reveled to them as to how to curb the passions & train the body. Mind you, the goal is never to punish the body but to train it. The body is not evil, as the gnostics taught, but a Holy Temple of God. Is it not sin to vandalize & abuse the Temple of God?
In history we see those who are overzealous & thought they would serve God by punishing their body. Origin the Erudite, castrated himself thinking he is doing the will God & he was unrepentant about it as he overruled his Patriarchs decision & was ordained a priest. Another example is St. Simon the Tanner - the only reason we call him a saint is because he did this sin out of ignorance & he repented of it.
So, do you want to train your body? Go to your Father of Confession - he will prescribe to you the right amount of daily prayer & fasting rule that he will increase in time. It is much harder to follow the prayer & fasting rules without interruption than to go for a few days without food or go outside at freezing temperature; but it is also more rewarding.
In Christ,
Theophilus
if u can change yourself with amazing feats of physical endurance, it will lead to pride.
if not, it will lead to depression.
the solution is to take advice from your confession father and not fast unless it is recommended by him.
Do you realize your last message (especially "do something even more extreme and dangerous to my body" after a hunger strike) is the classical philosophy of anorexia and other eating disorders? Do you realize going outside in -30 degree weather without a coat is a symptom of deep seeded neurosis and suicidal tendencies? And do you realize you just told us you have a plan in case you die as a result of your extreme actions, which is also a sign of suicide?
What you are doing and saying is not healthy behavior, physically, mentally or spiritually.
My friend, be careful at what you are doing and thinking.
I hope I am wrong and I misunderstood your intentions and actions. But if not, examine yourself truthfully and find out why you are thinking, saying and doing these things. Go speak to a priest or a professional psychologist.
Wow, I never actually knew that. Well, I did have thoughts that my life isn't worth it because I can't socialize and there's no point to anything anymore. The plan in case I died was actually meant to be a joke, but I guess it didn't sound like it or it is not a good joke at all... see, I suck at socializing... I don't even know what a joke is or isn't... Heck... I feel frustrated, anxious and angry because I can't socialize... It's actually starting to affect my schoolwork.
I know it's not healthy at all in any sense so I'm stopping it completely. You know what I'll replace it with? I'm writing a daily journal to express all my thoughts, that will help me remember this and maybe it might help me improve as I track my progress.
You did misunderstand my intentions, I intended to suffer so I can remember, but now I know that suffering isn't the way to go. I will remember through writing and drawing my emotions on paper and document. I'll stay away from drawing nude women though (that was supposed to be a joke... because I have no women friends at all, let alone those willing... see? Bad joke, I was going to delete this line but I left it, with all it's dirtiness, so that you can see how bad I am socializing).
I'll definitely speak to a priest, of course, but a psychologist? I'm a student not a billionaire... A psychologist might help a lot though, to be honest...
Theophilus the First:
Thank you for your comments. I realize that's what I must do instead of suffer. I need to train my body, but it is so difficult, I literally don't know what to do and I don't know if what I am doing is effective.. sometimes what I do makes me even worse and that's what I'm trying to avoid. I will follow your instructions, Theophilus, thank you very much.
You guys gave me some hope, at least now I am not hopeless, thank you!
Take fasting for example. Day 1 of Great lent comes and you say to yourself I'm going to fast the whole entire day, and you'll read your bible 10 times a day, and pray every hour of the agpeya. Those intentions are GREAT, but I can guarantee you won't last even 3 days. None of us are monks, and we shouldn't pretend or try to be like them all of the sudden. Everything needs its time.
I too went through the same thing. I took a visit to a monastery a couple years ago, and after my attachement, I told myself I would start living the life of a monk the first day I go home. Little did I know how weak I was, and I obviously failed on the first day.
Your worldly and spiritual life needs to be taken in small steps. If you want to reach the top of that staircase, don't expect to get there in one huge leap
.
Pray for me
I just realized how much I am screwed up. If you think you can help me, absolutely anyone, please send me a private message, I'd totally appreciate it.
This is the first fruits of healing what is in your heart.
I love you my brother and am willing to help you as much as I can, in conjuction with you FOC.
If I was to put myself in your shoes I would see my FOC and say, 'I would like to confess my pride because I love science and I know I always will but it does leave my ability to socialize empty. But I am lacking in my spiritual life and I have come to ask for your help. What I could read, what I should do, and help my to be closer to God. At the moment I don't know how to be social, can you please help me with that.
I will pm you my thoughts about helping but your first port of call is your Father of confession.
I just realized how much I am screwed up. If you think you can help me, absolutely anyone, please send me a private message, I'd totally appreciate it.
May God bless you and support you.
I have done my share of mistakes in life. Most likely everyone here has done their share of mistakes. The devil's true victory does not lie in our initial fall, but in the despair we may have led ourselves to succumb to after our failures.
There is a saying that I've never forgotten since the day I read it. 'Repentance transforms adulterers to virgins' (by Saint John the Short I believe). The saying is not only powerful to someone who has committed adultery.The saying is crucially important so that we remember that no matter what the sin is, true repentance (which off course includes confession) cleanses me completely of my sins.
Ultimately, only through perseverance for true repentance, through guidance of a spiritual father, can lead us to that feeling of cleanliness and most importantly acceptance of one's self. There is another story that has truly touched me with regards to perseverance:
---there is a story of a monk. One of his weaknesses was his sexual desires. He would fall in this regularly but he used to rise up and say "God I know I'm bad and I don't deserve to stand in the front of you, but if you help the righteous people, this is because they deserve your help, please accept me again and help me overcoming this sin". The young monk continued falling and rising and falling and rising and every time he fell he used to rise up and say exactly the same words. One day he fell and rose up and said the same words, the devil went really mad and appeared to him and told him "Don't you get ashamed of your sins to talk to God with your filthy mouth?" the monk said "Well you hit me with sin and I hit you with the love of God and lets see who is going to win", from that time the devil left him alone and did not fight him with the sin because he did not want him to get more crowns for his hope and faith in God.
What more can be said? The story is self explanatory. God sees our work and perseverance, only a fool can believe God hates a sinner and wants no part of him. He is exceedingly merciful and loving.
So let's pray with Micah the prophet and say:
Do not rejoice over me, my enemy;
when I fall, I will arise
when I sit in darkness, the Lord will be
a light to me.
- Micah 7:8
May God give us that spirit of perseverance, trust and love in Him that will ultimately give us true peace and light in our hearts.
Peter, I will update you guys later next month on my gradual progress and step by step wolf government action plan.
Joshuaa, I will follow your advice, I'll keep in touch.
Thank you all, in a months time I'll show you how your efforts have paid off, I promise I will not disappoint any of you.
Lettuce attend.
keep praying and going to church, even if you feel you are not worthy.
remember the church is a hospital for the sick, not a parade of the perfect people.
may God give u peace.
keep praying and going to church, even if you feel you are not worthy.
remember the church is a hospital for the sick, not a parade of the perfect people.
I'm trying my best, of course I will keep going to church... as I do not autonomy over my life but rather my parents do. So that's not a worry.
This is where my name comes from. The song which made me cry last summer and is currently helping me be relieved of my situation just tonight by emptying my lacrima glands. I will wake up fresh in the morning, pray to God, and get to school. I would much rather leave my laptop at home and be dependent on simply life itself. Hopefully, due to the lack of people on campus from Family day, I will have a good chance of zero distractions of people's interactions that make me feel jealous, envious, than hopeless...
I will be praying.
Update: I'll be seeing a university councilor too.
EDIT: PFft, on campus now... FORGET the 3, I'm down to a 2... cried on the buses twice, good thing it was minor so no one would of noticed and judged me even more.
BTW, 1 to 1000 is my own formulae. here is the categories:
Overt 850 to 1000
Happiness750 to 850
Minute 650 to 750
Overt 550 to 650
Neutral 450 to 550
Minute 350 to 450
Minute 300 to 350
Sadness 250 to 300
Overt 200 to 250
Minute 150 to 200
Depression100 to 150
Overt 50 to 100
Pain 0 to 50
Sorry So blue, maybe you are putting too much into logic and so your feelings are suffering. I think maybe you might need to embrace what you feel. Read the bible as it is full of life and the way people feel and how God has dealt with it and what and how we should be dealing with it.
Have you got an agpia? Read it everyday to start your day if you can to get you in a positive frame of mind and to inspire and lift you up. At the moment I focas on the ninth hour absolution as it is perfect for my situation as I'm fasting and it is strong.
I pray that God has mercy on you in the emotional weakness you have found yourself in and deliver you.
try to focus on God and the agpeya prayers.
if you want to write to me by pm you can.
we are praying for you.
- emotional stress
- emotional distress
- emotional panic
- emotional frustration
- physical stress
- physical injury
- mental stress
- parental control
- no autonomy causing stress
- hate of the system
- hopeless
- colossal waste of time and money
Only a few of those existed until the event that occurred on Friday. It has overwhelmed me and I have concluded that I am a failure and I have given up on any search I had for love. Perhaps I will take further steps in halting this roll as it is:
The roll of 0/1000 happiness, for the past three days it's been 0/1000, for the past week it's been below 10/1000. 0/1000 isn't pain... I find, it's complete death of emotion with a constant whirring of headache, and bodily pain all over just tingling and constant.
I was on the edge for a while, now it seems I have fallen off that edge. It is only a matter of time till my last lines of defense fail.
Oh, and once my last lines of defense has fallen, that means physical death. No, I'm not contemplating suicide... I'm just predicting that as I endure more stresses upon stresses, I will just collapse... to the song I always loved, the song that gave me comfort, my last song.
Because there's no one there. This world doesn't deserve me.
Edit: keep in mind guys as I am on my last strings, I'm following all your advice... but nothing seems to be working. Life's just being horrible for me...
I need to make a good friend... that's really all that will be able to bring me out of this pit.
I know the pain of depression all too well. It is a haunting pain, which makes it difficult to sleep, eat, or remain awake. The feeling most consistent with this pain is a desire hide and become minute. I feel this is reflected by your name, "So minute, so lonely, so blue." This feeling of being minute is both a haunting and cathartic feeling. It is hard to explain except to someone who has felt this pain. You are now undergoing deep sadness (which might actually be clinical depression). But there will come a day where you feel better. I don't know when. All I know is it will come. Thus, I sympathise with your feeling of being minute. I know it all too well.
As for being lonely and blue, they are one and the same feeling. In my depressing experience, I felt (and still feel) isolated from everyone, although if you ask any of my friends, this is not how I seem. I am very outgoing, and am well loved, but I don't feel it. I feel like I don't exist. Sometimes, to be able to put myself to sleep, I would cover all the entrances if light by hiding under my cover completely, and non making a sound. I called it, "The illusion of non-existence." I guess what I am trying to say, Khas, is that I know the feeling Habibi! I know it! I lived it! I live it! It is painful! Please don't go through it alone. You are not alone. Mabsoota has already offered that you pm her. I am Pming you now. I am not "requesting" that you message me if you are down. I am demanding that you give me the blessing of being there with you, along side you. Not to give you advice, since I am a fool, but to be a shoulder you can lean on. Dude, I get it! I really do!
Khas, prayer works wonders. But I know how hard it is to pray at such a weak point in life. I used to feel naxious whenever I tried to pray. Then sit in front of an icon of the Theotokos, or of Christ and Weep biterlly. Weep and beg for mercy and help. You are called to a dscovery of Christ that few are called on. Unlike many, you are called to rely COMPLETELY on Christ. For us lonely people, we are forced to look to Christ as our only hope. Lets walk to the cross and beg. Let us beg for God's mercy.
Khas, I think a good thing to do is to see a psychiatrist. There is no shame in this. I know many who are clinicaly depressed, and I know the good effects of SSRI medications. Please see a doctor. Enrich your spirituality. Speak to a priest. Please Khas. I am at your feet begging you to help yourself get better.
You are in a viscious cycle. Your depression makes it hard for you to seek help, which makes you further depressed. The way to break the cycle is a rapid change. Drag yourself to a priest and open up to him.
I love you more than words can explain. I don't know you, but I know your God. He happens to be mine as well. He happens to be infinatley powerful. He happens to care. I care.
Through the intercessions of St. Mary, St. Anthony, St. Paul the first Hermit, St. Seraphim of Sarov (a saint who suffered depression), Elder Thaddeus of Vitovnicia (a saint who suffered depression) and St. Mary first and last.
I have a book suggestion for you, Khas. This Book is awesome. If you pm me your address or any address where I can mail you, I will mail you my personal copy.
God Bless You
Ray
I am well-into day 3 of happiness right now. I have had several people help me and they really helped me well. I dedided the following. Girls aren't everything.
What is making me happy is that the fact that girls don't like me is because they're superficial, pretty much all of them, and I'm not looking to be subject of a single burst of emotion in the beginning and then when we age that fades and the girl leaves and cheats and all that. No, it's not worth it, girls aren't worth it. All I wanted was to be loved but it seems that girls are incapable of loving anymore, it's all sex, sex, sex, good looks, good looks, good looks, and no consideration of anything other than that. I'm sick of being victimized by horizontal inequality, and through several of my beloved friends I have learned better. Really, girls and guys that are superficial can go have sex and do stupid useless non-lasting things all they want, I know I'm above them.
I used to regard girls as superiors and in control of everything but not anymore. Most of them are slaves to their desires and so are the men who sleep with them. I am free, liberated, and I will not be controlled by my desires. I will use my frontal cortex to the maximum and think logically because now I am happy. Now that I regard all women as either equals (for that chance that they might not be superficial and might be kind human beings), or much lower (for when they are superficial with their eyes so closed and shallow, their minds so tight and unable to grasp beauty. It's my turn now to be happy and enjoy life while they are hurt countless of times over and over again and suffer depression. I never deserved depression.
Oh and when I say that, I'm speaking generally. I really believe there are non-superficial girls out there that love and care... but I don't really see any of them around so I'll just wait and follow my strongest passion:
I'm going to reach for Proxima Centauri, literally.
Oh and to all the girls here, I'm not judging, I'm just saying the truth, I'm also not saying anything about you, just in general. I can't live like this anymore, I respect all women, and let them do what they want, but I will not allow anyone's poor judgment to ruin my life, being the case for the past three months.
Oh, this has liberated my sociality too.
I need a vacation...................................................
I really really need a vacation................................
It's not a matter of want, I have to get out of here
the orthodox life is a stable way, without 'quick fixes' which can give articifial 'highs' that lead to crashing lows.
focus on building your spiritual life day by day and loving others a little more each day.
we fast and pray and study the Bible and take Holy Communion, as this leads to slow, steady growth.
we need to avoid (many of the) self help books and other ways of life that 'zap' us into an instant new life, and that promise to change everything in a day.
looking at other people's stupidity in order to stay positive will not work.
in the end, we are all stupid and only God is smart.
so, looking at God's smart ways will help us to stay positive.
also God loves us very much, more than we love ourselves
:)
so focus on God, and also do stuff for other people (like do cleaning for an old person or take a dog for a walk for a disabled person) and this will help us to look outside ourselves.
smile at someone in the street, not coz that person is stupid (maybe he or she is, but don't focus on that!) but because God loves him / her.
may God give u peace
Just to note, I hate thinking people are bad and inferior... I hate that, so I will obviously revert back to a equality system when exams are over. I'm doing this to free myself for exams.