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hi all thanks for the prayers i want to further explain my problem

bigeeebigeee
edited May 2011 in Personal Issues
as you all know i was very depressed yesterday, because i am having huge problems and i know blessed are those who have these problems but i must add also i am human so i am at fault for alot of feelings of anger and hurt i have in me, to start of i am deeply in love with this girl and her and i have been in a relationship for 5 months as you know her, a member of this website her name is marheel, i love her dearly as she has helped me move closer to the lord, her mom found out about our relationship and has ordered her not to ever talk to me but we are truley in love. honestly before we did not make the lord the center of our relatonship but now we are working toward that, i must say i know this sounds like i am putting marheel before the lord but without her i would not be here today she has helped me out so much i owe her my life, so now her and i are working toward the lord  

i am a former muslim and she has supported me all the way through but recently her mom and friends have basically not approved of me because i am a former muslim, and she thinks this is gods will so i ask is gods will judgment of myself cause i use to be a muslim?

and this has made me very very hurt and upset so i even spoke to abouna about it i told him i deal with backlash as soon as they find out i am a former muslim they have a big huge red flag up before they even get to know me they pass judgement in the begging when only the lord can judge,

i pray and now i am reading the bible online more as i can not have the bible in my house due to muslim parents.

i believe in true love is out of fear fear of losing true love, no christ no love no love no christ i live by this

marheel has been here for me since day one as we met on this website she helped me in prayer to over come my problems.

i am very sad cause her mom and friends do not approve of me just cause i use to be muslim. and now everyone thinks just cause i use to be muslim it is not gods will.

does god not order us to be out of humilty to pray take communion to love one anthor here i am taking racism from people just cause i am a former muslim

i know what is going on in egypt for years is the cause of this even here in american coptics face hardships but i am a coptic christian and i am proud

i believe that only god judges and his will is through prayers and following his commands and rules cause i trust in the lord and truley heard the voice that marheal is the one for me

as now we are bringing each other closer to christ he is the center of the relitonship now

i just am so hurt by people judging me cause i use to be muslim i did not come out my moms stomach saying make me muslim

can anyone offer insight and opinion on this please thank you

sorry to bore you with a book god bless all of you  :D


also  love is from God and the way we love others must reflect His character. If it doesn't reflect His character we distort the image we are to portray of Him!      not what one judges of me
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Comments

  • bigeeebigeee
    anthor thing i am so sure of this i will  be with this person in sickness, and in poverty and in distress. Are you able to bear with all these things with THIS PERSON. When your wife is being sick and you have to hold the bowl it requires a true intimacy. Physical attraction is not the lasting basis for such self-less love. But the PERSONAL attraction must always be there. Why else would a person bear with all of the difficulties of marriage? It is because I choose to be with THIS PERSON as long as I live.


    not people judging me cause i use to be muslim that is very harsh and hurtfull and the lord does not tell us judge just cause he use to be muslim we are supposed to live the life of the lord and love people who potry the lord in every manner and marheel you have helped me in that and i see the lord in you!
     
  • yousiegtennisyousiegtennis
    Have you guys met in real life?  Sorry, but you can't really be in love with someone you met online...
  • yousiegtennisyousiegtennis
    One thing that I was told by a wise person...if you're meant to be with this person, meaning that if this is the person God has chosen for you, it will happen, no matter what has happened in your past or no matter who opposes it.  Also, here's something to consider...I was in love with this guy for a good 7 years (pretty much throughout my teen years) and I thought he was seriously the one and that because I loved him for so long, that it must be true love and we were going to get married.  However, now that I think about it, I see how silly I was...he is not the right person for me.  If you are in school, you should focus on school and so should she and if you are past school, you should focus on your work and responsibilities until it's the right time.  I know it's easier said than done and I'm telling this to myself just the same as I'm telling you because I also think about this issue a lot.  But, you must try.

    Hope this helps.
  • bigeeebigeee
    yes we met in real life we see each other and i know this already we do focus on school and work etc  we even speak about it oh if you fall out of love  when you are in college or if i fall out of love in general etc we are very straight with each other  it is not lovey dovey it is honest and we want the best for each other i asked her how do you know you wont say wow you were young and dumb we are very honest with each other
  • mabsootamabsoota
    someone i know well had a big problem with his girlfriend's mum. she was very possessive of her daughter and quite difficult. the 2 young people were so in love they decided to marry but the mum forbade it.
    they decided to be good and wait.
    after 2 years (yes, sorry, it was a long time!) after the mum saw that nothing bad happened, and the 2 people were well behaved, did well in the university courses and were always very polite with the mum, even though she was quite rude.
    they finished university and then got married. the mum sort of agreed (she came for the first part of the wedding) and allowed them to get married. she didn't support them much, but she stopped being so difficult.
    they have been married more than 10 years and have beautiful children.

    so waiting is the best thing.
  • bigeeebigeee
    she is worried for her daughter cause i use to be muslim and that is not right and she hates my past i mean i do not have such a bad past but i have sinned but who has not she will not allow me to marry her just cause i commitied adulty in the past and cause i am a former this hurts me so much

    this is what i mean how can it be gods will if she wont approve just cause of my past flaws is it not important i am striving toward christ striving to be a better person that the 2 of us will live the way we want our kids to live in a godly house of peace and love?

    judgement from humans is not gods will this is what bothers me i will not marry her from human judgement that is confused for gods will
  • bigeeebigeee
    We are made in the image of God and a part of that is the responsibility to make choices. For example, you have a choice of whether to marry or not marry during times of distress. "Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be loosed. Are you loosed from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But even if you do marry, you have not sinned; and if a virgin marries, she has not sinned. Nevertheless such will have trouble in the flesh, but I would spare you" (I Corinthians 7:27-28). Paul is saying that in times of distress, being unmarried is the easier option, but the choice is left completely up to the individual.

    It isn't as if God left us no guidance. He has taught us through the Bible how to make good decisions. We are told to seek out the wisdom taught by God. "Get wisdom! Get understanding! Do not forget, nor turn away from the words of my mouth. Do not forsake her, and she will preserve you; love her, and she will keep you. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom. And in all your getting, get understanding" (Proverbs 4:5-7). So what guidance did God, through Paul, give to a person trying to decide whether to marry during a stressful time? One point of consideration was: "But I say to the unmarried and to the widows: It is good for them if they remain even as I am; but if they cannot exercise self-control, let them marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion" (I Corinthians 7:8-9).


    gods will is not human judgement  finding the right one we are supposed to find ones who want the lord who desire the lord who live in the rightous path as the lord did who encourage each other to do the right things who want to live as one togther as the lord as the leader of the relationship who both of them want there better half to get ethernal salvation for one anthor  this is what marhael is to me
  • dzheremi
    I understand and agree with your viewpoint as you've explained it here, Bigeee. I used to be a Protestant (and then a Catholic), but I'm getting better little by little! I would hate for my past to be counted against me. As the saying goes, "it's not where you're from -- it's where you're at."

    The trouble is, and this is true with everything, is that there is the ideal that we are to aspire to as Christians, and there's reality, where peoples' past interactions with or perceptions of others often make it very, very hard to live up to that ideal. It's not an excuse in any way for the treatment you've endured, but it is a good thing to keep in mind when dealing with people who might have preconceived notions (no matter they are) about you based on your past. The only thing you can really do is pray, and live your life as best you can as a new Christian. God will open the hearts of those around you on His time, if it is His will that you be accepted into this particular family.

    If people refuse you because you used to be Muslim or whatever reason, it is on them to live with their own prejudices (and it can't be a very happy life). We are certainly not acting in accordance with Christ's example in those instances, and will be judged accordingly for what we have done against our fellow man. The Holy Bible says we are all one in Christ Jesus, and since you are a Christian that includes you no matter what your background is. I know several ex-Muslims who are now Christians and are happily married. It can work, and I pray that our Lord will bless you in this area of your life with a person whose family will accept you and support you in your faith.
  • ForeverYoursForeverYours
    in my opinion, the fact that you used to be muslim and converted, despite your family, should be something that works to your advantage. it shows that you're serious in life and you really do care about knowing the true God. however, if your girlfriend's mother doesnt like you, its probably because she's a bit old-fashioned and on the traditional side.

    it would be horrible if you married someone whose family didnt like you. maybe this is a sign? i dont know, i am just guessing.

    but keep in mind that people really can fall in love with anyone if they put their mind to it (or at least thats my opinioon). so don't force this relationship because it seems perfect, you could have that perfect relationship with another person, whose family liked you.

    anyways, this is just my opinion, keep praying about it. best of luck
  • bigeeebigeee
    i love her so much and we are not forcing it i would work with her family even if they dont like me love is about sacrfice and i would thank her everyday for my life as i thank christ everyday for her great love and care and yes her mom does seem old fashined but  she should know not to judge and see people as humans that we all have flaws that only christ is perfect
  • JoshuaaJoshuaa
    Hi Bigeee,
                  I would like to ask you a question. Were you baptisted in the Coptic Church? Because if you were all sins are forgiven you in the eyes of the Lord, and so you have the ability to change your life and go about doing things in rightousness according to his word and will.
           
            GOD is love. Also forgiving and merciful, and if her parents aren't in communion with this. Then all I can see is a former muslim who has confessed a grave sin, would be justified in his redemption, to defend himself in pointing out their hipocracy in a fair manner.
  • JoshuaaJoshuaa

    Oh, yes I forgot. Be very fair with her mom because she wants whats best for her daughter and is very protective.
  • SmirserSmirser
    marriage is very serious thing.
    Analize the situation in the world,in Europe ppl dont have children last 50 years,cos is very difficult to live in their opinion,a lot of ppl marry after 40.

    EVERything chanched on the earth during last 20 years.The women have to work now,cos men cant gain  money for the family as in  19 century.
    Nowdays it is very important to have a good job and good social position before marriage at least 5 years.Clever ppl will try to obtain a good profession and experience in it and only after that  go marriage if they are able to make happy their children.But  a lot of ppl dont think about the future children,thats why a lot of povetry on the earht.
  • Khas.
    [quote author=Smirser link=topic=11470.msg138302#msg138302 date=1305889344]
    marriage is very serious thing.
    Analize the situation in the world,in Europe ppl dont have children last 50 years,cos is very difficult to live in their opinion,a lot of ppl marry after 40.

    EVERything chanched on the earth during last 20 years.The women have to work now,cos men cant gain  money for the family as in  19 century.
    Nowdays it is very important to have a good job and good social position before marriage at least 5 years.Clever ppl will try to obtain a good profession and experience in it and only after that  go marriage if they are able to make happy their children.But  a lot of ppl dont think about the future children,thats why a lot of povetry on the earht.

    Your argument is completely invalid and I will explain why when I return from school, it is wrong and invalid.
  • ForeverYoursForeverYours
    bigeee, just out of curiosity, was she the one who led you to convert? or did you convert and then she helped you along the way? I'm very interested when i see a former Muslim who converted; especially because Islam is very sticky with those things, and they go after you if you convert
  • bigeeebigeee
    i was already converting i met her a year before i got baptised but i was already on the path
  • jojo204
    edited January 2014
    Bigee,
    If God wants things to happen, He will let them. If not, He wont. Simple. God does this for our benefit, because He loves us. If He does it for Himself, what will He gain?
    Submit this whole situation to God.. and if He opens doors, good. If He doesn't, it's still good.. because He can see things we can't see.

    If we love God, then shouldn't we submit to His will? Shouldn't we leave everything in His hands?

    If we end up in heaven, by the mercies of God, will we be focusing on our husband or wife, or will we be focusing on God?
    What matters, is serving God using the talents He has given us, loving everyone (through word and action), and God will add the rest of our necessiaties. But seek First the Kingdom of God and His Righteousness and All the things shall be added to you (Matthew 6:33). Don't worry about these things. God knows we need them and He will supply in due time. Marriage is a beautiful sacrament, instituted by God Himself. Trust and wait patiently. Focus on God.
  • ophadeceophadece
    Ekhrestos anesty
    DEar bigeee,
    I'm glad you're feeling better now, and I can understand more clearly the nature of the difficulties you're going through all the time. However, I have to warn you: people convert to other religions for all sorts of reasons, and same to Christianity. Some people convert for good reasons to know Christ the way, the truth, and the life. The majority of converts I know did that for this very reason and it seems to me you did that as well.
    However life with Christ as a convert is arguably more difficult, thorny, and depressing than any other because God allows a taste of what Job went through and the evil one doesn't need a second invitation. So I very fervently and strongly encourage you to not be fragile. Thinking about suicide in itself is a sin, and your father of confession will shed better light. Despair is a grave sin that the evil one seeks to trap us into, so be careful.
    NOw for the second issue, as I understand you to be a wise and a strong man, I ask that you sever the ties of love with such a girl if you truly love her. The reason I'm saying this is that it's difficult for you my brother as a convert, and this girl's family, or mother have every right not only to be concerned but to prevent it happening at all costs. Place yourself in her or their shoes: they want their daughter to get married to someone and live happily ever after. THey cannot fathom your family will approve either, let alone know anything. If they do then, will they come to church? I doubt it. So even though indeed no parents can guarantee their children's happiness, but they do what they understand even though short-sightedly to ensure they're happy. If it's from God it'll happen. If not, God will prepare a better person for you...
    As for yourself, I have to be honest and say that you should be worried about yourself that after you converted you contemplated ending your life just because of this issue. Please strengthen yourself in the faith and let God intervene, and on your part continue to talk to her more than see her as a brother and a sister, preferably after a period of refraining... I know what I said may not appeal to you, and you may completely ignore it, but try to give it a bit of thought...
    Oujai
  • bigeeebigeee
    lol so your telling me just cause i converted i cant marry this girl? i mean i am in christ image but no i am sure that means nothing to her family right that sounds so raciest right there and i am sure you did not mean it in that way but everyone is different you must understand that and every situation is different
  • bigeeebigeee
    [. THey cannot fathom your family will approve either, let alone know anything. If they do then, will they come to church? I doubt it. So even though indeed no parents can guarantee their children's happiness, but they do what they understand even though short-sightedly to ensure they're happy. If it's from God it'll happen. If not, God will prepare a better person for you...



    so what your telling me is lol this person i am currently with right now is different but yet again god will find a better person for me but wont that person live in hell with me also? but also my parents i gave them up for christ so what do i need my parents for i can care less for christ is for us who can harm us and be against us?

    but hey its ok we are egyptian good old weddings where 2 people do not love each other so what does it mean when they become one? absoulty nothing they are disrespecting gods gift of marriage!

    as also i have spoke to her about this issue and abouna said this is not an issue about how i use to be muslim and my parents are  so why would you find it diffuclt?

    what you just did my brother in christ is assume just cause i am a former muslim you did what every other person who believes in jesus christ and that is assume and judged me  let me thank you cause you are one of millions who do this to me but it is people like you with dark hearts on the inside i get to show a different path through

    but hey when you are in front of our judging father make your case as you stated on her on this forum
    gbu
  • mabsootamabsoota
    there are lots and lots of people who changed religion and got married, from many countries.
    like i have a friend from a Christian family who married someone who converted from buddhism to Christianity.
    also some people gave them some trouble (there are from very conservative families in asia) but they were fine and have 2 lovely kids.
    so the same thing can happen to you. i just recommend people in this situation to take things slowly so they can be merciful to all the people with prejudices.
  • ophadeceophadece
    Ekhrestos anesty
    DEar bigeee,
    Sorry I've offended you, because I didn't mean to. You clearly understand I don't claim to know the ins or outs of your relationship with the lady, nor do I know what your father of confession advises you. I only spoke your mind, and you got mad at me. Sorry again. God bless you and keep us in your prayers.
    Oujai
  • liftmyheart
    There is no reason to be so hostile, bigeee. It seems like you only want one kind of reply here, and that is that you can get married to this girl, and anything otherwise would get you angered. But, maybe, God made her parents unapproving,  not because you were a muslim, but maybe because the marriage would end up failing. I know you feel that this is the girl you want to marry, and you love her very much; but trust me, love is a very tricky emotion. What you have may end in a split second; trust me, I've seen it first-hand. Do not be so proud in your relationship.
    Trust in God and pray to him; follow his grace without questioning it; we don't know why things happen, we just know that if its in God's grace it will be good.
  • bigeeebigeee
    not true at all i am not looking for only one reply but he basically said just cause i use to be muslim it will not work out so i was only responding to the post

    what i know is live life the right way and that is it
  • Khas.
    [quote author=liftmyheart link=topic=11470.msg138373#msg138373 date=1306077865]
    There is no reason to be so hostile, bigeee. It seems like you only want one kind of reply here, and that is that you can get married to this girl, and anything otherwise would get you angered. But, maybe, God made her parents unapproving,  not because you were a muslim, but maybe because the marriage would end up failing. I know you feel that this is the girl you want to marry, and you love her very much; but trust me, love is a very tricky emotion. What you have may end in a split second; trust me, I've seen it first-hand. Do not be so proud in your relationship.
    Trust in God and pray to him; follow his grace without questioning it; we don't know why things happen, we just know that if its in God's grace it will be good.

    Love is not as much of an emotion as it is a choice. Love your enemies, do you feel emotions to your enemies? No, instead you chose to love them and not kill them and leave them in peace. If people have love based on emotions it is bound to have some bumpy roads and problems.
  • bigeeebigeee
    you love with emotion and mind you love your enimies as you love your neighbors and yourself you love everyone as you love the lord cause we are all his image we are all his walking alters we all are flesh of the lord

  • MozesMozes
    Bigeee,

    May the Lord help you!

    I think,you have a huge problem that needs to be solved. I just did some research to check if you are talking about the same girl that you told us gave you a hard time in the past . Apparently, this girl is that you are in luv with right now is a new wine.In between,there was another girl that you wanted to marry as well.The discussion in the link suggests that;

    http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php/topic,8735.msg109613.html#msg109613

    You should know that the mother of the current girl may be opposing you due to your unusual behaviour with girls.I think,I understand the mothers worry. Methinks,you need to correct your approach and examine yourself first,if you like to be taken seriously by the family of the girl.Other than that, I do not think Opacede was showing his dark heart.He gave you a great brotherly advice,but you are not understanding it.

    Good luck.  
  • bigeeebigeee
    http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php/topic,8735.msg109613.html#msg109613

    sir it seems you have a huge problem that is not the girl so may i say something to you think before you speak do your research once again you are making my point jumping to conslussions lol this is to funny lol
  • MozesMozes
    [quote author=bigeee link=topic=11470.msg138387#msg138387 date=1306094939]
    http://tasbeha.org/content/community/index.php/topic,8735.msg109613.html#msg109613

    sir it seems you have a huge problem that is not the girl so may i say something to you think before you speak do your research once again you are making my point jumping to conslussions lol this is to funny lol


    Do you actually understand what you read? You are quite incoherent.How did I reach to my own conclusions? Can you please explain? according to the record, we are now dealing with girl number 3 here at tasbeha? Is that not right?

    Since you are asking for advice for your self-inflicted problems:
    I suggest you :-
    a) get professional counseling
    b) get your acts together
    c) go to school

    good luck!
  • bigeeebigeee
    lol yes i am, and i suggest you mind your own bussiness. no wait i forgot you are of no sin sir you drip holy oil let me lay down in your presance and let me kiss your feet when i see you

    good luck !
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