Flattery

edited December 1969 in Faith Issues
I was just in this extremely weird place called my head and it was just wondering....what do u guys think of it....i mean i know its bad along with almost everything else, jk, but i wanna know wut u guys think...is all "flattery"bad? Cuz i think of flattery as being too nice to sum1 which ups their pride but what if u "flatter"sum1 just cuz u really mean it...feel free 2 say anything, something, lolx....


GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
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  • If your sincere, can it ever be wrong to build someone up?To make someones day a little brighter?Love always seeks to do good.
  • I was just in this extremely weird place called my head


    I could have sworn the only "extremely weird place" was my head,oh well...lol
  • Hi Sylvia,

    I think that flattery is (depending on how one uses it) a very good thing. Its important to encourage people to do good thing or to show appriciation for the good things that they do because on a personal level it adds value to them in our own eyes. For example if I lust for a women but praise her then she becomes something valuable rather than an instrument for personal pleasure.

    Its also a good expression of love.

    You are right however, if this is an expression of love then you have to make sure that its something that is going to encourage someone to do more of the same rather than being puffed up. Different people respond to different things differently so there is no real single rule that can be said. I guess you learn by experience and I think that if you do praise someone and they respond in the wrong way, you'll notice very quickly!

    I hope that that helps....

    God bless,

    CS
  • i don't believe all flattery is bad, and sometimes we take flattery in the wrong way. when we say something nice (a guy to a girl) they automatically think that you like them. i'm really nice to a lot of girls, and it scares me to think that all of them may think i like them!
  • i don't think it's bad
  • lolx...see my head is...ok well theres no word for it, but neways....yess my head is weird.....but yeah i dont think flattery is bad either but i read some spiritual books on it...i think by avva moussa and he was saying that flattery is so much more different between encourgament, u kno? its so much more diverse than motivating sum1 and just complimenting them, just cuz they both lead to 2 entirely different results, u kno?



    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • hey... wow i lvoe this thread...somethin ive kidna been thinkin about too..and yea my head is deffintaly the wierdest place to be.. so much going on in there.. but nway ... yea.. take it form some one whgos beent horugh thick n thin with guys...flattery if you dotn realzie the persons feelings can eb EXTREMELY damaging even if you dont mean it to be...before you say something to someone think about who the person is.. what theyre feeligns are-who they haev feeligns for... and if you dotn knwo present feelings tihnk about past feeligns... some things can just re-start feeligns in a person...so in the end it jsut depends....
  • Well, it all depends in my opinion. I mean, if you're saying it because you truly mean it than there's nothing wrong with it, it's your opinion, but if it's because of your own reasons that aren't right, than that's wrong, but then again, that's my own opinion. lol

    sleepy
  • Well everyone likes a compliment every now and then ;) but too much can be harmful to the person you are praising so much because you can encourage an ego and make it easier for satan to make them have self-pride. It's better to bless someone within your heart for their good deeds rather than tell them aloud that they have done well. But then again, it depends.
  • I just wanted to add a note to this discussion. I think what "servantofJesus" said was very important about not wanting to praise someone too much to the extent of making them proud is very important.

    Theres a really nice story, which many of you have probably heard before, about Anba Macarious and one of his disciples that came once and asked the Saint if he could give him a word or two to help him receive salvation. So Anba Macarious told him to go to the monastery's tomb, and insult or mock all the dead monks. Upon doing this, and receiving no replies, the disciple returned to Anba Macarious and told him what happened.

    Anba Macarious then told him, go to the tombs again tomorrow, and praise all the dead monks. So the disciple did exactly as he was told, and upon receiving no reply, he returned to Anba Macarious and told him again.

    So Anba Macarious explained to him the point of the exercise, telling him, "You know how you insulted them and they did not reply, and how you praised them and they did not speak; so you too, if you wish to be saved, must do the same and become a dead man. Like the dead, take no account of either the scorn of men or their praises, and you can be saved."

    (http://www.innerlightproductions.com/thoughts/nov3097.htm)

    Even though this story addresses how one should react to praises, I think it makes the point, that if you praise someone too much, they may accept the false glory that comes from the mouths of the people rather than the true glory that comes from God. So, even though I think its really important to praise people and give them kind words to brighten their days, as mentioned earlier, it's also important not to exaggerate or praise someone too much, lest they become proud.

    So, one should always keep this in mind, and it never hurts to involve God, when praising someone, saying something like "Thank God, He gave you the ability to this.." or "thank God you reacted this way..." or something along those lines. That way, the person involved can associate what they did well with God's grace. I don't know, this is my opinion on the whole issue. I hope this makes sense...

    "He must increase, but I must decrease."
  • ill tell u y flattery is different than encouragment n y its wrong (i think)
    if its between a male n a female then one might get a mixed message or be trying to send a certain message.

    however, encouragement, could lift someone out of their bad mood
  • the meaning of flattery in the dictionary, is.....paying of compliments to win favor of.
    lostegprincess has a point
  • hey guys
    in my opinion u cant just say that all of it is wrong. again it depends on how ur meaning it
  • That's true Coptic Angel. If someone wins a competition and people start complimenting that person, does that nessacarily mean that people are trying to win you over? It's true that the ego aspect will kick in, but everyone needs encouragement once in awhile, and if they've truly earned it, why not? lol

    sleepy
  • to be honest....i dont think flattery is wrong at all....cuz if ur flattering sum1 for self-praise then its not considered flattery, its selfishness and praise seeking. I mean i understand u could flatter sum1 for the wrong reasons but i was sorta thinking flattery as in encouragement and such, i didnt think there was a huge story behind flattery, lolx. :-[ But in my honest opinion "flattery" in its true sense can only be stretched out so far...u either do it because ur nice and u dont realize it, or u do it for something in return, there arent many sides to it unless u inlcude self-praise/encouragment/.....


    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • WHY FLATTERY IS BAD? IF U REALLY LIKE THIS PERSON FLATTERY WOULD BE GREAT AND IT IS A GOOD TOPIC TO TALK ABOUT ALSO THANKS MAGNOONA 4LYF
  • hey all

    ok first off, one thing to clarify,,

    it is of human nature to think that someone is flattering us for somehtign in return.. and this natural idea is always within us..

    second of all, flattery is nice when u see someone down, but its wrong when u begin to lie to flatter someone.

    thirdly, being straight and honest and deep from your heart is always the best way to communicate with others..

    do not flatter someone that you know will fall into sin because of it..

    i hope i didnt confuse anyone!!!


    unconditional_love
  • That's true unconditional_love, but saying something nice to someone may also trigger something in them. You may just act that way, and they're taking it as flattery because they aren't treated well. Each situation is different.

    sleepy
  • as long as you treat everyoen the same, this person will see your actions with others, and will realize how nice you are to EVERYONE .. this person will realize that your are just a good and nice person and that your not actign nice to this person only .. get what im trying to say??


    GB
  • I get what you're trying to say, thing is, when people see someone treating them nicely, they aren't going to think the way you are right now. They're not going to go see how you treat everyone else, they're going to see you as something else, but yea, I get you. lol

    sleepy
  • [quote author=sleepymusician link=board=1;threadid=716;start=15#msg13823 date=1099346459]
    I get what you're trying to say, thing is, when people see someone treating them nicely, they aren't going to think the way you are right now. They're not going to go see how you treat everyone else, they're going to see you as something else, but yea, I get you. lol

    sleepy



    No offense or anything, but say you were being nice to sum1 u dont know, they're not going to think of u as a nice person?!?! I dont think thats really true....u dont necessarily have to be nice to sum1 for something in return and i dont think every1 thinx lyk that. It's a matter of manners and respect, people can't be mad at that, and if they mistake it as "bunsiness"flattery, u kno i be nice 2 u, u give me sumthing in xchange, well then they're gonna have a lot of problems in life when ppl r nice to them. JJeeezzz, us humans, we complain when ppl arent nice and now i find out ppl complain when ppl ARE nice....and then we wonder y bad things happen, man ! lolx.. jkjk, i'm not that serious :P


    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • guys, there is a line between nice and flattery. And i dare say most of us know the difference between being nice and flattery. if someone mistakes ur niceness for flattery, thats not ur problem. but, dont flatter someone n be like "oh, i was just being nice to him/her" dont kid ur self. flattery is wrong cause you could be influencing feelings that shouldnt be occurring.

  • "yea.. take it form some one whgos beent horugh thick n thin with guys...flattery if you dotn realzie the persons feelings can eb EXTREMELY damaging even if you dont mean it to be...before you say something to someone think about who the person is.. what theyre feeligns are-who they haev feeligns for... and if you dotn knwo present feelings tihnk about past feeligns... some things can just re-start feeligns in a person...so in the end it jsut depends...."

    i couldnt have said it any other way!! u know, especially with girls (if any of u girls arent like this, please correct me), any one word will cause A MILLION thoughts. sure, the guy could just be trying to be nice, and that is most likely the case 99% of the time, but your brother or sister in Christ may be weaker than you, and though it doesn't affect you, and you're not sinning because you know your intentions, ur brother or sister might fall because they are not so strong as you r.
    so u have to be careful, protect ur bro's and sisters, they have enough internal trouble to have to deal with external trouble
  • Thank you SOMS....that was put very nicely....i mean i think others said the same thing, but something bout the way u grouped the words was unique and understandable to me :D
    (if any of u 4got, i'm slooow) lolx....thanx ;)


    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • thanks :D im glad i was of some help ;D
  • no prob ;) lolx.....


    I have a question...it really has nothing to do with flattery but i think there's too many new posts for us to handle at a time....but my comment/queston is this: See we are all different people, we're all individuals in our community....but is it possible that each "individual"is more than one person. I mean you're the same person but a bunch of different people at the same time. Like if you're with your parents you act differently than if you were with your friends....i think we're all lyk this, but what i dont understand is, is this wrong and decieving or is it just a part of our daily behavior? Hope u guys get wut i'm saying...if u need me to start a new thread let me know or go ahead and do it...sankis u guys!


    GOD BLESS ALL! :-*
  • in my opinion, that's part of life. can you talk to abouna the same way you talk with your closest friends when ur hanging out? with your friends, you're very close, and if you always act the way you do around abouna, they wouldnt really like it, abouna requires more respect, but your friends know u love them, they just wanna kick back and relax, imagine being so uptight around everyone. and the same thing with your parents, you can tell your friends in a joking way to shut up, like, when they're playing around with you, but it wouldnt be so appropriate to tell your mom to shut up..... lol, sry that sounds funny. so yeah, in my opinion, it all comes down to different levels of respect. :D
  • SOMS...wow i finally found someone who understands me.... referring to the previous "flattery" discussion and ur last post.. lol... yea i guess u put it in easier terms.. thankss
  • God bless you Magnoona, although you may not be with us anymore, we wil always remember you, and your good words.
    Pray for us up there, and intercede on our behalf

    sleepy
  • [quote author=sleepymusician link=board=1;threadid=716;start=15#msg18381 date=1106073284]
    God bless you Magnoona, although you may not be with us anymore, we wil always remember you, and your good words.
    Pray for us up there, and intercede on our behalf

    sleepy


    I SECOND THAT!!! ALL THA WAY!!!
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