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Funny or embarrassing incidents at church
Hi everyone,
Its kind of trivial but I was just wondering.........would anyone like to share funny, embarrassing events that happened while at church. So if I may start........
For no apparent reason, I suddenly turned a gardening hose on a group of worshipers clad in their crisp Sunday-best attire. I was all of 5 years old and was quite cool about it. I guess it left my parents red-faced.
GBU,
R
Its kind of trivial but I was just wondering.........would anyone like to share funny, embarrassing events that happened while at church. So if I may start........
For no apparent reason, I suddenly turned a gardening hose on a group of worshipers clad in their crisp Sunday-best attire. I was all of 5 years old and was quite cool about it. I guess it left my parents red-faced.
GBU,
R
Comments
I'm a bit short on time right now though, so I'll share one that happened in a monastary in Egypt...
At the procession of the Lamb during the liturgy, one of the monks picked up the basket to present to the monk performing the liturgy after praying the psalms and agpeya prayers of the morning. The monk performing the liturgy went to choose the Lamb from the offering and to his surprise, when he opened the basket there was nothing in there. This caused all the monks in the church to crack up laughing! This was followed by another blooper: one of the monks serving in the altar went to pour some water into the hand of the same monk performing the liturgy, only to find that the jug wasn't filled with water, but it was filled with incense! Again, this caused all the monks to burst out laughing. I just find it funny thinking of a group of monks all laughing in the middle of a church :P
Matthew
it's a lot funnier at the moment
anyways where did you get the urge to start a forum like this?
anyways where did you get the urge to start a forum like this?
I can't speak for RPM but I saw these topics also on the Coptic facebook and myspace groups, and other Orthodox church's forums. I also tried to start one a while ago but haha that never picked up. These are just amusing topics where us deacons (and laymen too) can get together and say hey I messed up and we can all relate, laugh, and share stories. Oh and for the younger deacons, I've noticed, whenever they read or hear us say these things, they feel better because it's not just them who mess up, it's us, the priests, and the laymen also.
To keep this from becoming serious: once a friend and I were cleaning the censer after a Saturday liturgy and it fell off its older. I picked it up and the chains were tangled. Five minutes later, due to my great intellect, it was tangled beyond belief and we couldn't fix it. Abouna said we'd find someone to fix it. We didn't. We gave up and said we'd figure it out later. We didn't. So during the vespers, I went to give abouna the censer and he looked at it in shock and disbelief. We made the other deacons sing every doxology of the season while abouna and I played with the chains (it took a nice 10-15 minutes but we enjoyed it and shared a few jokes).
I'll share another one. I was once leading the liturgy in our church, so I had the microphone right in front of me. My stomach wasn't quite right that Sunday, so after taking Communion I was feeling particularly bloated. So I went to sing Pi Oik, but instead of the words coming out of my mouth all that was heard was the biggest belch ever coming through the microphone system :-\ The cymbals stopped and silence fell upon the church...don't think I've ever been so embarassed in my life!
Matthew
during a mass, in one of the hymns where you mention his name i said 'anba Magdy'.... every deacon burst out laughing
this topic is amazing, so we can share these great stories together... I have too many, but I'll mention a little at this moment, one day I was visiting a relative priest back in the days, and i was serving inside the altar, then I was suppose to say "you who are seated stand" but I messed up and said "look towards the east" so as I said "look.." i noticed it, and I was in my youthful years... and I had a dirty mouth... so right in the microphone I was like... oh sh** now this story is sad enough... but because we were serving with a relative priest, we recorded the whole liturgy... which is even more sad, because till this day, there is a video of me doing that!
another one is I heard of it, haven't seen it... but in Egypt this guy was not fully "mentally capable" and he heard people joke around with... "eshlil... damak te'eel" so one day he was in church, and they gave him the mic to respond... and abouna said eshlil... and the guy responds with damak te'eel right in the mic... I heard of rumors of this happening in a church in Florida also, but I'm not sure!
another one is, I wrote an Icon of Saint Bishoy... I thought i should start a new trend with the ascetic fathers stepping, and putting their stick through the devil... so i had saint Bishoy walking as he steps over the devil, but I was not mindful of where the stick speared... so I take it to church, and everyone were all marveled of why I put the stick in between the devil's legs!!! LOL poor devil, he had blood coming out and everything... but thank God I found out before I made the Icon official...
LOL... there is more to come insha' Allah....
Truly our Lord Arose Himself!
Abouna is followed by four young deacons, all carrying crosses, for the Litany of the Gospel. When it comes time for the deacon's response, NONE OF THEM SAY ANYTHING.
Another time, I was serving with Fr. Anastasi. H.G. Bishop Yoannis was en route. As I was preparing, Fr. Anastasi asked me to pull the curtain a bit (to close it). I, being new and inexperienced, misunderstood and pulled the whole curtain wide open just as H.G. walked in!
;) ;D
On another forum, I think it was an E/O one, a poster mentioned a prank by some mischievous altar-boys who placed corn kernels in the censer and couldn't wait to hear them pop.
Another one is about a kid of about 4 who was rather noisy and disturbing the worshipers. When his dad could take it no more, he just grabbed the kid and started walking out of the church. At that moment the kid yelled, " You guys please pray for me", causing an uproar of sorts.
GBU,
R
Anba David was in our church for new year's and the church was full and he was giving the baraka. so you had like 4-5 deacons waiting for him to get to the middle part of the orbana to get it. so all were waiting and when he came to that part, he took it and just ate it!!!!
another incident; we had an old ma'allem, God rest his soul now. couple of year ago we were praying with anba youssef. I was holding the cross to say sta-theete. it wasn't fast thoo because i had to wait for sayedna to finish chanting the psalm in english and the deacon to say marochasf. so that muallem said marochasf without a book. sorry to say, he really forgot the word to the point that he forgot to say the Pope. so while all of that i was starting to the shoria in abouna's had (more like to the floor) to not crack up.
i heard this from someone: a deacon holding a candle next to abouna when washing the vessels. so before they actually pour the water they must make sure that their is no more Pearls there. so normally the deacon searches with abouna and when he's done he says "Shere pi-estavros ente penshois...etc" but the deacon didn't say anything and abouna is kind of waiting for him to do so. so all the deacon is gives him a thump up and say "me-nawar ya abouna" :) :D ;D.
Who knew such funny things could happen inside the altar. LOL
+mahraeel+
couple of priest are in their 40 days in the monastery and when they do liturgies or matins it mostly in like a small chapel and it's only them and maybe some other deacons. so a priest (which i think the monk teaching them) is holding the shoria for another and the priest can't see because of his thick glasses and the bokhor from the shoria (during matins). so he's trying to put the rest of the bokhor and he can't see that he's not really picking up any bokhor because he's holding the spoon the wrong way. and he's yelling where is the bokhor, and the priest who's holding the shoria for him tabs his hand and straightens the spoon. the rest of the priests just started cracking up.
In our Church, during the Passion week (well Lazarus Saturday), they get anyone and everyone to do the readings.
So, anyway, some guy was asked to read the story of when Christ rose Lazarus from the dead. This particular gent didnt come to church often, but inherently he was a really good guy - but for sure, he was no deacon.
So, he's reading the story of how our Lord rose Lazarus from the dead in Arabic. He comes to the part where Christ raises Lazarus from the dead.
Then our Lord says "untie him".
"untie him" in Arabic, is "7ellou" - Which means "untie him" - but it is also spelt (yet pronounced differently) as "7ellwa" - which means "cool".
So, rather than him say "7ellou" he read it as "7ellwa" - and the funny part, was that the logic of the word made sense to him, and he even put some intonation in saying it:
So, basically, it was like "Christ raised Lazarus from the dead, and then he said "Hey! Cool!!"
Another guy... came up to read from the Prophets during Passion week in Arabic. So, he was given something from the old testament related to Moses the Prophet.
He starts by saying "Min Sifr Moussa Al Naby" (From Moses the Prophet), and then he says "Sal'allah-hey wa sallam" (Peace be upon him).
Then he tried to correct himself and say "Barakathu 3alayana Amin", but by then the damage was done.
We were seriously killing ourselves with laughter... but there's a lesson to be learnt there - you should always read from the book, and never assume you know what to say because you're a deacon. And if ever you get confused as to whether you are Christian or Muslim, you can ask the church for a certificate of baptism.
ok i got one.... Our abouna was praying on our tounias and there were a bunch of little kids there so abouna goes 'if any of you need to go to the bathroom, go now, not during the mass'... he forgot he was wearing a wireless mic, and some of the people in the congregation left to go pee lol
You know, once - my FoC asked me to come down to the Baptismal font in the basement of the Church to help him with a baptism. I was so young at the time.. around 13 or 14.. but I was a good deacon then.
Anyway, the father was there, the mother, the family.. and I really didnt know any of them.
After the baby had just been baptised, the priest was holding the child in his arms when suddenly the little boy urinated a remarkably long distance across the room, and EVERYONE was dodging it.
You could hear all these voices going "oooOOoooo" and there was an awkward silence, so I tried to break the silence and said "ahhh.. he's just like his dad".
Im so used to saying it as a cliche that, well... somehow it didnt work out that well. I looked at the father and said "ohh.. I'm sorry Uncle, u know what I mean"..
And then it got worse cos... the man looked at me without saying anything, so I said - "Ohhh.. its true, I've never seen you urinate, but I'm sure you'd do better!"..
I just found myself digging a bigger hole with every word, so I just starting singing axios and smiled at everyone. I've never seen the family again, strangely enough.
ONLY 2nd GENERATION COPTS WILL APPRECIATE THIS:
I came home from school once to find in our lounge 2 priests and a bishop sitting down with my family.
Priest A was the closest to the door, and next to him was Priest B. Right at the far end of the lounge was H.G - the Bishop and my dad.
Anyway, my mom says to me "Please! Go and get some drinks from the kitchen to offer our guests!!"
I said "Sure"
I go to the kitchen, and I come back with a tray with 5 glasses of Mango juice. HMMM!!!!! I love mango Juice...
Anyway...
Who is the FIRST person near the door??? PRIEST A:
I go up to priest A and say "Father, please help yourself to a drink".
The priest picks up the glass, and then puts it back down again, and then exclaims "NO!!!! You must ALWAYS offer it to the bishop first".
Man.. i felt so humiliated.. I just offered it to him 1st simply because he was the closest to the door when I walked in.
Anyway, I passed my mom and didnt bother offering her anything, and then went STRAIGHT to the bishop.
I said to him "Sayedna, Excuse me Sayedna, Im sorry.. PLEASE have a drink?!"
The bishop looks at me and says "No no no.. I don't want".
I was saying to myself "oh man, I just had myself embarassed to bring you a drink, and the least you could do is just have a SMALL SIP!!"
So I said "Are you sure?"
He said "Yes".
By that time, I had already had a complex.. I mean all this egyptian tradition who gets the drink 1st and who's more important when sitting in my lounge got a LITTLE bit confusing for a kid was only 16.... but I was TRYING MY BEST to pick up this Egyptian way of thinking.
Anyway - right next to the Bishop was my dad. My dad looked at me, and pointed directly to Priest B, who was sitting near Priest A by the door.
I offered the tray of drinks to Priest B. He picks up a drink, and this poor man is truly thirsty, and he is the kindest one there that really DESERVES the Mango juice..
He picks up the drink, he's about to drink it, and then I said "STOP!"
I take it from his hand and give it to priest A, and I say to him :"But, priest A was before you?"
When I realised that Priest B didnt find it funny, and I wasn't trying to be funny, I was honestly trying my best to learn this backwardness called Egyptian Culture - and I failed miserably!
Anyway, I give it back to Priest B and said "Ohh! Abouna, I'm sorry.. please.. take it.."
Man.. it was the MOST CONFUSING cultural lesson I've ever had.
I just put the tray down, went upstairs, threw myself on my bed, and I just starting laughing about it, but deep in my heart, I REALLY didnt mean to embarass anyone anyway. When I took the glass of Priest B, I really thought that they'd have been impressed how quickly learnt their culture and am adaptable.
I think this story reminds me of how much I tried with all my heart to serve and please priests and bishops, and I was embarassed because I felt I had failed or done something terribly wrong.
maybe we will never loose concentration during the mass coz we are watching to see if anything funny happens!
lol
probably none of them quite knew what to do either, people assume culture is absorbed through the skin!
in the british orthodox church once, the metropolitan was chatting and i passed the biscuits to everyone else first!
probably it's wrong for british people as well, i've never been good at culture!
i did make sure there was one left for him though!
;)
except yr last one, qt, that was 2 painful to be funny,
probably none of them quite knew what to do either, people assume culture is absorbed through the skin!
in the british orthodox church once, the metropolitan was chatting and i passed the biscuits to everyone else first!
probably it's wrong for british people as well, i've never been good at culture!
i did make sure there was one left for him though!
;)
I thought it was hilarious.
Egyptians are really weird...
But the question asked for the most embarassing...
;)
I strongly disagree with what you wrote "Chirst arose Himself - truly He arose Himself"; don't take Coptic language literally, because your translation made it very dogmatically incorrect. The right translation, for all people to share with me in this please, is "Christ has risen", not "Christ was risen", not "Christ is risen", not anything else please.
[coptic]oujai qen `P[C[/coptic]
Hi SuperMAN(BAM),
I strongly disagree with what you wrote "Chirst arose Himself - truly He arose Himself"; don't take Coptic language literally, because your translation made it very dogmatically incorrect. The right translation, for all people to share with me in this please, is "Christ has risen", not "Christ was risen", not "Christ is risen", not anything else please.
[coptic]oujai qen `P[C[/coptic]
Well I actually thaught about it to ophadece. It's not dogmaticly wrong. Christ rose Himself and the Father rose His Body. I think it's that simple but it's just hard to explain.
Now with Christ has or is risen or even did rise, not much difference. I personnaly just like is risen because it explains that He rose back then and still is alive.
Please focus now on the topic about the funniest or most embarrassing experiences you have had. This is an important topic as we can all learn from it.
Guys, we're here discussing a serious topic. Could you PM other people if you have any corrections to make about them.. it distracts the topic when you do it in the middle of a thread.
Please focus now on the topic about the funniest or most embarrassing experiences you have had. This is an important topic as we can all learn from it.
LOL. I think you just provided us one funny thing; being that it's coming out of you.
just stop.
One time i was serving inside ( i was 7 or 8 yrs old) and i was about to say the next marad right.. so i was busy planning it out in my head, then i smelt something being burned. i looked up and to my horror i saw that my candle had lit the altar cloth on fire.... it was so embarrasing... i didn't go inside for at least a year :-[
Wow.. but it was an accident? Right? How did your candle end up doing that?
Hmmmm. yes, you are right, that is extremely embarrassing.